An Open Letter to Good Men

We Are Done With The Buckets

Hi there,

International Women’s Day is in 2 days. And while I’m all for celebrating women, I need to clear the air with men first.

Picture this:

A man—let’s call him Mr. Man—builds a huge building, lives in it comfortably, and whether through negligence or intention, sets parts of it on fire. Women rush in with buckets, trying to put out the flames and making sure everyone inside survives. Meanwhile, other men and women steal their buckets, trip them, or criticize how they’re fighting the fire. But the women keep going.

Mr. Man ignores the fire because he lives in the safest rooms. And when women tell him what’s happening, he shrugs. Not my fault, he says.

So the women, exhausted, go to workshops to learn how to be firefighters. They teach each other how to build stronger, fireproof walls. They organize conferences to share firefighting techniques and commiserate about how tough it’s to live in a burning building. They ask some of the male residents to be allies. The allies nod, sympathize, and buy the women new buckets while avoiding Mr. Man and the fire altogether.

Then, some people start blaming the women for the stress they’re under. They tell them they should be grateful to have a building at all, despite the fires. Others move toward Mr. Man’s part of the building, hoping to find safety at his side, and start adding to the fire to keep everyone else from crowding their space. So much time passes that fighting the fire becomes just another part of daily life.

And Mr. Man? He goes on, untouched, oblivious, never facing the consequences of what he’s done.

Sigh.

War. Environmental disasters. Economic instability. Violence. Authoritarian governments. The world is on fire, literally and figuratively. And who has been in charge while it burns? Mostly men. The overwhelming majority of world leaders, CEOs, policymakers, and power brokers shaping our economies, governments, and industries are men. And under their leadership, we’ve seen endless conflicts, financial collapses, climate negligence, and policies that widen inequality.

Women have spent centuries trying to fix disasters we didn’t create. And yet, we are still being told to work harder, to “lean in,” to negotiate better, to fight for a seat at a table built by men, for men. I’m telling you: those buckets are not it.

Enough already. I’m done making inequality my problem to fix. Of course I’m all for women helping women, and we absolutely should continue to fight for our rights. But women alone cannot clean up the mess we didn’t make. All the networking, mentoring, and leadership training in the world won’t make a difference if the actual power holders are not part of the solution. “Don’t alienate men”, they say. “Focus on what we can do instead of blaming people”, they say. That’s all great, but where did this lead us? To a world where my daughter has less rights than her grandmother - that’s where. I’m sorry but in this environment, we can’t afford to play these games anymore. The only way we achieve real equality is if men start stepping up NOW instead of leaving women to fight for their own humanity year after year.

So To the Good Men Out There: This Is Your Moment.

Here are some suggestions on what to do:

🔥 Start the protests: Do you know who should be organizing demonstrations and actively trying to affect change in reproductive freedom, voting rights, paid parental leave, and an end to sexual and domestic violence? Men. Not just showing up as “supportive guests”, but leading them.

🔥 Call out the bias. Do you know who should be calling out mansplaining, pay gaps, the lack of funding for women-owned businesses, and discrimination in boardrooms? Yes - Men. I know you benefit from this, but you have integrity and there is plenty of money to go around. You got this.

🔥 Invite other men to the fight. Have plenty of masculine energy? Use it here. Call your male friends and colleagues and lead them to the fight. And for all women out there: next time you’re outraged about inequality, don’t just vent to your female friends. Call your husband, brother, father, coworkers, male politicians. Show them this list and tell them to start acting.

🔥 No more “empowering women.” We don’t need you to empower us. Please empower other men to fight for women’s rights and to take responsibility.

🔥 Raise your sons to be aware of the fire—and not set it. Teach them about the building, the damage that’s already been done, and their responsibility to stop adding to it. Explain that real strength doesn’t come from domination—it comes from integrity, fairness, and standing up for what’s right. Break the cycle!

To good men out there who say they support equality:

PROVE IT.

We are done carrying those stupid buckets. We need YOU to extinguish the fire (and stop setting it in the first place).

Sending (tough) love and gratitude,

Patricia