Can ANY Man Be Trusted? Are Men Capable of True Love?
GTFOH with “It wasn't all men”
Hi there,
I didn’t want to write this, but I have been consumed with these thoughts. This week’s newsletter is my attempt to metabolize some of the unbelievable things that are happening now, and I hope it helps you do the same.
Can ANY men be trusted? Are men capable of true love? I mean love that costs something. I’m not talking about attraction, loyalty to their own, or love for their reputation or their own children.
This is what I have been asking myself as the Epstein revelations continue to unravel, each layer more depraved than the last. I’m not here to discuss proven predators; those we already know belong in prison. But what do we make out of the men who attended the dinners, took the flights, enjoyed the access, laughed at the jokes, accepted the favors, and looked the other way? The men who (as far as we know) did not necessarily commit crimes, but who decided that their friend’s crimes against children were not a deal breaker? Am I even saying that out loud???
And GTFOH with the “It wasn’t all men.”
I can’t with people saying this. Of course it wasn’t all, 100% men. But it is overwhelmingly men. There may be a few token women in this story, but pointing to exceptions is not the same thing as reckoning with a disturbing and obvious pattern. And by the way, notice this: so far, the only person in prison, as vile, abhorrent and guilty as she is, is a woman. Interesting. Can you just imagine if the majority of the people involved in this case were women? But I digress.
Look, I’m not saying there aren’t good men in the world. But the question is: how many of them would have kept their integrity intact had they been in the same situation? Maybe not all men did it because not all men were invited? Integrity is behavior under pressure. The lid has been blown open and what makes us think this is not happening everywhere else? And again, can any man be trusted??? I want to believe so, and I want my hope in humanity to be restored, but given the circumstances, maybe we shouldn’t hold our breath.
So what does love have to do with this?
How could so many of these grown men, many married with children, speak fluently about their love for their families, humanity, philanthropy, consciousness, spirituality, compassion, and wellness, yet also be complicit, tell disgusting jokes, break bread, support, and share rarefied private plane oxygen with predators?
Well, money and ambition gets conveniently prioritized over their kind of “love”, that’s how.
Maybe I’m just crazy naive, but I’m convinced that the more expansively you love, the less corruptible you become. When you cultivate compassion for people who don’t benefit you, when you insist on empathy that includes those who look different, live differently, or will never repay you, you strengthen your internal spine.
True, expansive love, practiced fully, can be a potent moral compass and an anti-corruption device.
These man are plenty capable of true love, but they chose against it because it would have required opting out of situations that enriched them. If they had chosen true love, the kind that demands losing something you benefit from, the kind that requires looking beyond yourself and breaking up with powerful “friends,” they would have drawn a line. Certain rooms would have become unbearable. Certain friendships and certain money would have turned radioactive. But instead, money, power, and access won. Every time.
Bad Bunny was right. The only thing more powerful than hate is love. True love. But that means someone has to choose it and, so far, men’s track record suggests they will not. I’ve been saying this forever: the world doesn’t need more men in power pretending they care. We need more women in charge of money. We need more women in rooms where decisions of great magnitude are being made to balance unchecked men hoarding wealth and objectifying women and girls with no consequences. The world needs men to be held accountable for their hateful decisions, chief among them the abuse of innocent women and children.
Maybe lives would have been saved and so much pain and suffering avoided if the men in Epstein’s circle had an iota of integrity, cared enough to seek money and power elsewhere, and used their incredible influence to protect less powerful people. Maybe all it would have taken was ONE man who dissented.
But no one did. We now have proof of what happens when powerful men are in charge with no checks and balances. Some of them may not have committed crimes, but their mere silence and participation is enough to let us know they can’t be trusted ever again.
And some may say “when women have this kind of power, they will be corrupted too”. Well, why don’t we try and see? I am willing to place some bets.
Enough of this boy’s club already.
Sending love, the expansive type,
Patricia