* Pro-tip: if you prefer audio, you can listen to this newsletter on Substack. Just find the play button on the top right corner!

Hi there,

A working woman makes a ton of money, has an affair, gets caught, and when confronted, tells her husband she loves him — but asks for the divorce a day later. She packs her bags and walks out the door without saying goodbye to their children. She moves to a two-bedroom apartment, and when her 12-year-old daughter wants a bedroom at her new place, she declines and turns the spare room into a home office instead. She also declines a proposal from her husband of a 50/50 custody agreement, keeping only dinner on Thursday nights. She tells her husband she is “done with that stage of her life where she would parent a child.” All of this during the quarantine in 2020.

When she comes back to the house to tell the girls about the divorce, she doesn’t even take off her coat, but proceeds to ask her husband — who is still in shock from being cheated on and abandoned — to make her a sandwich. He obliges to not make the situation even more stressful for his children.

What would the internet call this woman? Can you just imagine?

And what would they say about the man? Would they say “Why did he make her a sandwich? Her husband is a doormat”? Or “He’s a rich man, so he doesn’t deserve any sympathy”? Would they say “he should have known better, it’s his fault she she changed their prenup”? I think not. My guess is the public would condemn this woman as a selfish witch to be shamed in public, and this man is a hero for putting the kids first and being civil even though he was betrayed.

This story, although real, happened in reverse. This happened to Belle Burden, and her husband was the one who cheated, as she detailed in her New York Times bestselling book Strangers. The internet is angry for her and she has a lot of support. But I’ve been baffled by the criticism, which has been equally passionate.

It turns out, when people can’t defend the man, they find another way to blame the woman. In Belle’s case, it was her privilege, and this is what I want to discuss this week.

Belle’s grandmother was Babe Paley, the iconic NYC socialite and Vogue editor. Her father Carter Burden was a New York City councilman, a descendant of the Vanderbilt family, and the former owner of The Village Voice and New York Magazine. Belle went to Harvard. She has trust funds, plural, and she acknowledges all of this openly in the book.

Belle is what pop culture would call the ultimate trust fund baby. Or a nepo baby. A white, blonde, beautiful, and wealthy woman. Privileged indeed.

Well, that’s exactly what’s happening. Her wealth isn’t being used to contextualize her story. It’s being used to dismiss it. And when we dismiss it, saying she’s too rich, too connected, and too privileged to deserve compassion, aren’t we still doing the same thing : centering the woman’s behavior and ignoring the man’s?

Listen, I’m no white privilege apologist, and I’m not saying Belle Burden needs saving. Yes, a wealthy woman’s resources will most certainly cushion a crisis or a tragic situation. I am well aware of the system’s inequalities, and I’m not here to defend them. But think about it: if this is the kind of backlash a white, wealthy, well-connected woman endures, I can only imagine what a woman of color would face in the same situation.

We are saying that most of us will never pass the test — we are not struggling enough, not broke enough, not powerless enough, not likable enough, not thin enough, not modest enough, not feminine enough, not (fill in the blanks) enough. And we never will because the goal post is ever-changing — perfectly designed to make whatever happened the woman's responsibility. In Belle’s case, it’s her wealth and social status that serves as the “yes, but.”

I wrote about this same pattern a few weeks ago with Kristin Cabot. And here it is again: a different story, a different woman, the same mechanism. When a man behaves badly, we examine the woman. And we hold her accountable for not predicting, preventing, or perfectly responding to his failures.

Belle Burden said that women have been taught to “fill in the hole that men left, to be quiet about men behaving badly, to move on with grace.” She described breaking that silence as feeling like jumping off a cliff — terrifying and exhilarating — because she was setting fire to the rules she had always lived by.

And how did some women respond to this?

They called her a doormat and said she should have known better.

Before Belle wrote the book, she published an essay about it - which her ex approved. Belle recounts that Henry didn’t really see anything wrong with the narrative, and that he believed that, as a man, he was allowed to leave in this way.

The only people who can prove him wrong are us. Not by turning against each other, but by refusing to.

Sending love,

Patricia

Before we start, a pro-tip: if you prefer audio, you can listen to this newsletter on Substack. Just find the play button on the top right corner!

And thank you ll for coming to Veronica Beard last week. We had a GREAT turn out and it was so much fun raising money for CaringKind. Veronica Beard donated 15% of all proceeds of our event, and we are so grateful. I got myself a gorgeous pink jacket, and loved it so much I ended up getting it in khaki with a matching pant. I’ll wear this suit year round. More fun things to come, thanks again for showing up for a great cause!

Hi there,

Have you seen Oprah’s interview with Kristin Cabot? You know, the woman caught on the Coldplay kiss cam last summer with her boss, in what became the most watched video of 2025. Three hundred billion views (!) of fifteen seconds that she will never forget.

Well, spoil alert: it turns out that Kristin Cabot was already separated from her husband. Living apart, planning a divorce, amicably and quietly, like adults. Her husband was at the same concert that night, with someone else. He supported her then, and he supports her now.

None of that mattered.

What followed was over fifty death threats, a radio station broadcasting her home address, paparazzi stalking her for weeks, strangers trespassing to peer through her windows, and — my personal favorite — a group of grown women surrounding her car at her teenage son’s workplace, screaming at her while the boy watched. Her children were afraid they were going to die. Every inch of her appearance was dissected online for apparently wrecking the home of her innocent boss, who by the way told her he was separated too. She was accused of sleeping her way to the top despite her successful 25-year career before the scandal. Was it right for the head of HR to get with her boss? Of course not. But didn’t the boss also get with the head of HR?

That man, the boss and CEO is Andy Byron. He quietly resigned, has never been harassed (and if he was, for sure not even close to the extent that she was), hasn’t had his body scrutinized or his home invaded or his children terrorized. He simply… disappeared into peace, and into his next chapter.

Through it all, what surprised Kristin Cabot the most was that the majority of the cruel, sometimes violent and aggressive reactions came from women. But why are we surprised? We’ve seen this movie, and sadly we know how it ends.

Janet Jackson didn’t rip her own costume off at the Super Bowl. Justin Timberlake did. She was blacklisted from radio, MTV, and the Grammys, and highly judged by women. He won two Grammys that same week, and was invited back to headline the Super Bowl fourteen years later.

Monica Lewinsky, then a 22-year-old intern, became a punchline for a generation, with the harshest judgement coming from women. How she lived through that and overcame the trauma is a miracle to me. Bill Clinton kept the presidency, the foundation, the speaking fees, and the legacy.

Britney Spears was dumped, then publicly humiliated by her ex-boyfriend on every talk show in America, and highly criticized by women before she wrote a book years later sharing that she had an abortion because he wasn’t ready to be a father — the same Justin Timberlake, by the way, the man really does collect these. He left unscathed, and went on to make movies, and win awards.

In the court of public opinion, women burn other women. And let the men walk.

And here’s what should really bother us: men don’t do this to each other. They don’t dissect each other’s hairlines or weight or outfit choices. They don’t form groups in parking lots to scream at each other. They don’t make it their personal mission to destroy another man’s reputation over a fifteen-second clip.

We could learn something from that. I’m not suggesting we become complicit and silent like the men in the Epstein files (I wrote this article about that), or condone bad behavior on women just because of their gender. But we should refuse to destroy a woman’s life, especially when we don’t even know their story. Tearing each other apart doesn’t elevate the group — it just makes all women look like high-school girls.

While we are here, ripping each other to shreds over fifteen seconds of kiss cam footage, they are holding their positions. They are keeping their seats at the table. They are watching us fight over crumbs while they eat the meal.

So I wanted to understand why. Why do we do this to each other? What is it in us — smart, empathetic, supposedly evolved women — that makes us reach for the knife the moment one of our own stumbles? I went looking for answers. What I found was infuriating, uncomfortable, and — if we’re honest with ourselves — very familiar.

Here’s what I learned.

The Receipts

Before we get to the uncomfortable question at the center of all of this, let’s establish something: this is not anecdotal. The data is in, and it is damning.

The American Psychological Association published a study showing that organizations led by women face greater public punishment after ethical failures than those led by men — because we expect women to be moral, communal, and nurturing. When they fall short, we punish them for violating an identity we assigned to them without their consent.

A 2025 study in Politics & Gender published by Cambridge University Press tested 1,700 Americans and found that when a male political candidate deviated from his party’s platform, voters shrugged it off. When a woman did the same thing, her approval dropped by 11 points — roughly the same penalty as being caught embezzling.

Let that sink in: a woman having her own opinion costs her the same credibility as a man committing a financial crime.

A European study commissioned by the European Women’s Lobby (EWL) found women are 27 times more likely to face online harassment than men. And 92% of women who experience online violence say it negatively impacts their wellbeing, which is a politely clinical way of saying it breaks them.

And here’s the number that should make every woman reading this sit with herself for a moment: a UK think tank Demos analyzed hundreds of thousands of tweets using the words “slut” and “whore.” Accounts with male names sent those words 116,530 times. Accounts with female names: 94,546.

We are nearly neck and neck with men in the act of tearing each other apart.

The Million-Dollar Question: WHY?

Why do we do this to each other? Why did a group of grown women think it was appropriate — righteous, even — to surround Kristin Cabot’s car and scream at her in front of her child? Why did women across the internet spend more energy mocking her appearance than questioning the silence of the man standing right next to her?

Kristin herself tried to make sense of it on Oprah’s podcast. She said she thinks she became representative of something that touches on a lot of fear in people. She became a symbol — the other woman. The homewrecker, the threat. Except here’s the thing about that narrative: for there to be an “other woman,” the man has to be at fault too. He has to be the one breaking a vow, making a choice, walking into that concert with her. Andy Byron was right there, but the fury landed on her. Because the “other woman” story gives us a villain we feel entitled to destroy, and it is almost never the man.

There is no single answer to the question of why. But there are several theories, and every one of them should make us furious — not at each other, but at the system that taught us this behavior in the first place.

Could it be internalized misogyny?

Internalized misogyny is what happens when women absorb the culture’s contempt for women and start running it like their own operating system. It’s not conscious, it’s the water we swim in. Researchers describe it as the phenomenon where women evaluate other women using the exact stereotypes that were designed to diminish all of us — policing appearance, scrutinizing private lives, labeling and mocking each other to decrease each other’s perceived worth. Psychologists have identified three core expressions: devaluation of women, distrust of women, and gender bias in favor of men. And women score on all three. Every single one of us. Because we were raised in the same culture that told us, from the playground forward, that women are less reliable, less rational, less trustworthy than men. We internalized the message, and now we enforce it — on each other.

Could it be intrasexual competition?

This one gets uncomfortable. Researchers at McMaster University introduced an attractively dressed woman to pairs of female study participants. When she wore a low-cut top and short skirt, the other women reacted aggressively, mocking her, rolling their eyes, making cutting remarks behind her back. When the same woman wore jeans and a T-shirt, there was barely a reaction. The lead researcher concluded that the policing of female sexuality is driven largely by women themselves.

Could it be status policing?

A now-famous ethnographic study embedded researchers in a university dorm for an entire year. They found that women across every social tier used the word “slut” — but it almost never had anything to do with sex. Higher-status women used it to mean low-class or trashy. Lower-status women used it to mean snobby or mean. The label was a weapon of hierarchy, not morality. It functioned as a border patrol system: You do not belong here. Stay in your lane. A separate study at Cornell reinforced the pattern — women rated a fictional peer with 20 sexual partners as less competent, less warm, and less emotionally stable than one with 2 partners. Even women who were themselves sexually active made these judgments. We punish in others what we fear being punished for ourselves.

Could it be the patriarchal bargain?

This is the one that should keep us up at night. Scholars describe internalized misogyny as a tool — designed by patriarchy to keep women subordinate by redirecting their energy from opposing the system to fighting each other. When women enforce the rules of respectability on other women, they are performing the system’s maintenance for free. Every time we pile on another woman — in a comment section, in a parking lot, in a group text — we are doing the work the system needs us to do to keep itself running. We become the enforcers of our own oppression. And we do it thinking we’re on the right side.

What Now

We are not bad people! But internalized misogyny is real, intrasexual competition is biological, status policing is sociological, and the patriarchal bargain is structural. These are deep, ancient forces, and none of us are immune.

We could be Kristin Cabot. Any one of us. Fifteen seconds is all it takes to destroy someone’s life. The next time a woman’s face goes viral for the wrong reasons, or she wears something we feel threaten by, or she makes a big mistake in public, before we click, comment, share the meme, and gossip, let’s ask ourselves these questions:

Would men be judged the same way? Is turning against her and destroying her life the solution for this problem? And if a man is involved, why isn’t he paying the same price?

Sending love,

Patricia

Hi there,

I didn’t want to write this, but I have been consumed with these thoughts. This week’s newsletter is my attempt to metabolize some of the unbelievable things that are happening now, and I hope it helps you do the same.

Can ANY men be trusted? Are men capable of true love? I mean love that costs something. I’m not talking about attraction, loyalty to their own, or love for their reputation or their own children.

This is what I have been asking myself as the Epstein revelations continue to unravel, each layer more depraved than the last. I’m not here to discuss proven predators; those we already know belong in prison. But what do we make out of the men who attended the dinners, took the flights, enjoyed the access, laughed at the jokes, accepted the favors, and looked the other way? The men who (as far as we know) did not necessarily commit crimes, but who decided that their friend’s crimes against children were not a deal breaker? Am I even saying that out loud???

And GTFOH with the “It wasn’t all men.”

I can’t with people saying this. Of course it wasn’t all, 100% men. But it is overwhelmingly men. There may be a few token women in this story, but pointing to exceptions is not the same thing as reckoning with a disturbing and obvious pattern. And by the way, notice this: so far, the only person in prison, as vile, abhorrent and guilty as she is, is a woman. Interesting. Can you just imagine if the majority of the people involved in this case were women? But I digress.

Look, I’m not saying there aren’t good men in the world. But the question is: how many of them would have kept their integrity intact had they been in the same situation? Maybe not all men did it because not all men were invited? Integrity is behavior under pressure. The lid has been blown open and what makes us think this is not happening everywhere else? And again, can any man be trusted??? I want to believe so, and I want my hope in humanity to be restored, but given the circumstances, maybe we shouldn’t hold our breath.

So what does love have to do with this?

How could so many of these grown men, many married with children, speak fluently about their love for their families, humanity, philanthropy, consciousness, spirituality, compassion, and wellness, yet also be complicit, tell disgusting jokes, break bread, support, and share rarefied private plane oxygen with predators?

Well, money and ambition gets conveniently prioritized over their kind of “love”, that’s how.

True, expansive love, practiced fully, can be a potent moral compass and an anti-corruption device.

These man are plenty capable of true love, but they chose against it because it would have required opting out of situations that enriched them. If they had chosen true love, the kind that demands losing something you benefit from, the kind that requires looking beyond yourself and breaking up with powerful “friends,” they would have drawn a line. Certain rooms would have become unbearable. Certain friendships and certain money would have turned radioactive. But instead, money, power, and access won. Every time.

Bad Bunny was right. The only thing more powerful than hate is love. True love. But that means someone has to choose it and, so far, men’s track record suggests they will not. I’ve been saying this forever: the world doesn’t need more men in power pretending they care. We need more women in charge of money. We need more women in rooms where decisions of great magnitude are being made to balance unchecked men hoarding wealth and objectifying women and girls with no consequences. The world needs men to be held accountable for their hateful decisions, chief among them the abuse of innocent women and children.

Maybe lives would have been saved and so much pain and suffering avoided if the men in Epstein’s circle had an iota of integrity, cared enough to seek money and power elsewhere, and used their incredible influence to protect less powerful people. Maybe all it would have taken was ONE man who dissented.

But no one did. We now have proof of what happens when powerful men are in charge with no checks and balances. Some of them may not have committed crimes, but their mere silence and participation is enough to let us know they can’t be trusted ever again.

And some may say “when women have this kind of power, they will be corrupted too”. Well, why don’t we try and see? I am willing to place some bets.

Enough of this boy’s club already.

Sending love, the expansive type,
Patricia

Hi there,

I hope you are having a decent week despite the lack of free speech and crazy health announcements in the US. The highlight of my week has been dreaming up a special salon series with my friend Maxine Friedman - keep an eye out for announcements soon, you won’t want to miss this.

In the meantime, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) officials just announced that pregnant women should “tough it out” instead of taking Tylenol. Yes, you heard that right: a group of men in suits telling women with high fevers while pregnant to “tough it out.”

I’m not here to discuss whether or not Tylenol causes Autism - I am not qualified. But this craziness is nothing new. Women have been dealing with pain and disease without the proper medical support since… forever.

For childbirth, doctors resisted anesthesia for labor well into the 20th century, arguing women were “meant” to suffer [1]. Excuse me? From last week’s developments, it seems not much has changed.

Women were excluded from most federally funded medical research and clinical trials until 1993 (let this sink in - this was the 90s!), meaning drug safety and dosages were built for men [2]. This includes heart disease, the number 1 killer of women in the US.

On average, it still takes 7–10 years for an endometriosis diagnosis, with women repeatedly told their pain is “just cramps” [3].

In a 2019 survey, only about 7% of OB-GYN residents felt “prepared” to manage peri-/menopause. More than 20% of OB-GYN residents in that same survey reported they had received no lectures on menopause during residency. [4]

As late as the 19th and early 20th centuries, hysteria was used as a catch-all diagnosis for women who presented with symptoms from seizures to chronic pain to fainting. Basically anything that defied easy categorization. [5]

What’s The Solution???

Regardless of whether or not Tylenol causes autism, we know untreated high fevers in pregnancy may cause neural tube defects and other birth complications [6]. So if you are going to tell women to not take Tylenol, you should also recommend what they SHOULD take instead. Telling women to tough it out is not only ridiculously asinine, it’s also dangerous to both mom and baby.

If Men Were in This Position…

Now imagine if doctors announced “A high fever kills sperm. And if you take Tylenol, it might cause autism in your offspring. ”.

Do we think men would just “tough it out”? Please. There would be an Operation Warp Speed for Testicles, billion-dollar grants, fast-tracked sperm-safe Tylenol 2.0., and the government would make sure to announce an treatment to aleviate men’s pain.

We Need a Medical Revolution

We need women in leadership at the CDC, FDA, HHS, and, frankly, the White House.

We need more medical research on women.

We need med schools to update their curricula.

We are more than half of the population (50.8% in the US). We deserve better.

Thanks for listening. Sending love and health,

Patricia

Hi there,

I hope you are having some fun in this hot, crazy month of July. The heat in Japan is off the charts, but worth enduring. I have a lot on my mind. A lot. Hopefully I can put down my thoughts sometime soon, I’ve been trying to give time to properly digest them. I am wondering about so many things. My Japanese roots, how we live in the US, why we do things a certain way, and so much more. I’ve been surprised by how I feel. More on this later.

In the meantime, we dropped Episode 5 of Wealthy The Matriark Podcast with the Founders of L’Avant Collective Kristi Lord and Lindsay Droz. We talk about friends going into business together, starting something new when you are 40, Gwyneth Paltrow, RBG and so much more. I hope you can listen, it’s an amazing episode. Thank you Kristi and Lindsay for your openness and candor!

🎧 Available now on Apple, Spotify, and Youtube
💌 Full audio, video and + weekly episodes for Paid Subscribers in our Podcast page

ALSO, WE HAVE AN EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:

SAVE THE DATE! August 20th in EAST HAMPTON, NY

I’m thrilled to share that Matriark, The Pop Up Season and The Longhouse Reserve will host a special Salon with Hall Rockefeller, Founder of Less Than Half.

Invitations will be offered first to our paid subscribers. If space allows, we’ll open them to our broader community. To receive priority access in the future, we invite you to become a paid subscriber. More announcements on new salons to come.

OK, onto our regular programming!

Greetings from beautiful Tokyo, where I’ve been staying with my family for the past few weeks. Leaving my daily routine behind for a place as beautiful, deep, and wildly different as Japan has been both stressful and mind blowing.

The sheer scale of life here, the stimulation, rituals, the contrasts, the care in every detail have reminded me how inspiring travel is to me. It shakes loose the dust, and puts things in perspective. The world is huge, and I am small, and that’s a wonderful thing.

Read more

A few notes before we start:

🎙️ WEALTHY The Matriark Podcast launched last week with our first guest Hall Rockefeller, Founder of Less Than Half, and this week’s episode is LIVE with my chat with Susan Sandler, Fonder of PopUp Season. The free 30 minutes episode is available on Apple, Spotify, and Youtube, and the Full episodes (both Audio and Video) are available for our Paid Subscribers in our Podcast page.

ALSO: Please save the date for a very special Salon on August 20th in EAST HAMPTON!

OK, onto our regular programming.

I’ve been seeing incredible things in Japan: beautiful design, thoughtful details, food that’s out of this world. I dropped my first notes about my Japan trip in our special diary here on Substack, and I’ll add more soon (yes, there will be shopping recs).

But today, I need to share something else.

A few days ago, I was at the Osaka Expo, walking through incredible national pavilions where countries proudly showcase their culture, their technologies, their hopes for the future. A celebration of what humanity can build.

And then I walked through the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum.

In 1945, the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima killed an estimated 140,000 people by the end of that year. Nearly half of them died on the first day. Over 6,000 of them were schoolchildren.

The museum doesn’t shy away from the truth. But the horrors are so vast, so intimate, so devastating, that nothing I write here will ever fully capture them.

All these families were just living their lives. Going to school. Making lunch. Walking to work. And then, in an instant, everything changed.

This history is not abstract for me. Though my grandmother wasn’t born in Hiroshima, she spent most of her life there before immigrating to Brazil with her family. That decision—made long before I was born—is the reason I’m here to tell this story. And the reason I feel such urgency in telling it.

My mother, paying her respects at The Flame of Peace

After visiting the museum, I kept asking myself why there isn’t anything similar back in the US. (it’s obviously a rhetorical question, we know why). Every country has its ghosts, and if we truly care about understanding the harm we’ve inflicted on others, these museums shouldn’t exist only where people died. They should exist wherever power has failed humanity.

If more Americans saw what the Japanese see in Hiroshima —if they walked through those halls, faced those photographs, felt the weight of that history—we might better understand the real cost of our government’s choices, and think twice before supporting military action. It’s no small detail that Barack Obama was the first and only sitting U.S. president to visit Hiroshima.

Conversely, Japan should have a Pearl Harbor Peace Memorial, one with the same intention, and maybe more Japanese citizens would truly grasp the toll of their government’s wartime aggression, and total lack of vision for the future and safety of the people of Japan.

I took this photo at the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. Innocent children who survived the bombing but whose parents did not.

And here’s the thing: from everything I’ve read, seen, and felt on this trip, it’s clear that ever since the atomic bomb, Japan has cultivated a much broader and more intentional culture of peace than the United States has. Which leads to an unsettling question:

Do we have to come close to annihilation in order to truly value peace?
I don’t think that’s the human condition.
I think that’s the male condition.

But instead, we stay distracted. We gossip about Lauren Sánchez’s outfit changes at her wedding. We mock her face, her dress, her presence, while saying nothing about the man next to her.

This is the pattern. A woman stands next to power, and we tear her down. A man wields power, and we let it slide.

It’s easier to shame the woman than to interrogate the man, who is most likely the one with more power and stronger impact in the world we live today.

And this, too, is part of the war machine.

Power-hungry men have made decisions that led to death, destruction, and displacement for millions. Over and over. Century after century. And we keep letting them.

Read these statistics posted by Vital Voices, who also posted this question: “How many women-led countries are waging war right now? Go ahead, take a guess”. Exactly.

Peace is not passive. It is not naïve. Peace is brave and bold.
And it requires us to reimagine power: not as dominance, but as responsibility.

PS: I’m not a Lauren Sanchez apologist, but I’ll be damned if I have to criticize a women before I look at every men’s wrongdoings, which I can guarantee are a many times worse than any fashion sin Lauren Sanchez has ever committed. No matter how much people hate her or what she represents, she is a woman who was a successful broadcast journalist and a helicopter pilot before she married the world’s 3rd richest man. Does that make her a saint? Of course not. But as this piece by the The Persistent about her says, the expression “social climber” has no male equivalent. Read the article, it’s spot on.

I will leave you with this heart warming photograph of a survivor of the Hiroshima A Bomb, holding her daughter, born one year after the bombing. It’s the last photo of the museum, and it’s so sad and hopeful at the same time. Original photo by Shunkichi Kikuchi, Courtesy of Harumi Tago for the Hiroshima Peace memorial Museum.

Sending love and peace,

Patricia

Hi there,

A few programming notes before we start:

I’m thrilled to announce our next Guest Speaker at The Matriark Salon & Pop Up Season Salon Series on MONDAY JUNE 16th in East Hampton: Suzanne Tick, a celebrated textile artist and design innovator whose life’s work bridges ancient weaving techniques with cutting-edge technology. A fourth-generation recycler, she transforms industrial cast-offs and found materials, like Mylar balloons from Fire Island beaches, into deeply personal woven sculptures that reflect both political and environmental shifts. From summers spent in her father’s scrap yard to founding Suzanne Tick Inc. and leading design for Luum and Skyline Design, her journey is one of constant reinvention. Her work, shown at MoMA, Cooper Hewitt, and Art Basel, explores the tension between delicacy and strength, spirituality and sustainability, always rooted in the belief that transformation of self and material is where true innovation lies. Invitations are going out today to our Founding Members and Paid subscribers first, hope to see you then!

📽️ The video from our The Matriark Salon & Pop Up Season Salon with Jessie Freschl is now available for Paid Subscribers, just head to The Matriark Salon’s page and scroll down.

I hosted The Matriark Salon yesterday with Maxine Friedman and the Founders of Wave Social Wellness, and it was so informative, helpful an fun. It felt so great to get so many smart women in one place and exchange vital information about our health 🙏 We will post some highlights on The Matriark Salon page soon, and will email all our guests who attended with the incredible resources that Dr. Anita Sadaty, Katie Fogarty and Lisa Roberts shared with us last night. Thank you to all who came!

Manhood, Mentorship, and a few Meaningful Gifts

For a while now I’ve been mulling over the state of boys and men. And as I started thinking about Father’s Day, I kept asking myself what makes a real father figure in 2025, and frankly how badly the world needs more of them.

Scott Galloway often mentions research that shows when boys lose access to male role models, they become less likely to go to college, more prone to violence and self-harm, and more likely to be incarcerated. He talks about how millions of boys are growing up with no consistent male presence, and how much they need coaches, mentors, a kind uncle, a good neighbor, and lifelines who can help them see their potential. And yet, men often don’t mentor boys in fear of getting in trouble, thanks in part to high-profile abuse scandals, which (rightly so) made society suspicious of men, and deterred well-intentioned men to step up. So boys don’t get the mentors they deserve, and a whole generation is quietly slipping through the cracks.

I once heard Galloway’s describe modern masculinity and it’s worth quoting:

In other words: show up. Be useful. Leave something behind.

We need more men who mentor, who raise kids (biological or not), who model for boys what real strength looks like. When we raise emotionally healthy boys, we get emotionally available partners, collaborative co-parents, and men who aren’t ashamed to nurture, protect, or love.

We also lighten the load on women, who are still doing the vast majority of the emotional, logistical, and mental labor of raising kids, and we build a more equitable world.

As women, 2 things can be true: we can hold men accountable (I wrote a pice about this here), AND help change our culture by supporting men who are doing this work. So many women criticize men for discussing this as it’s a zero sum game (just read the comments on Galloway’s feed) or if this is the oppression olympics, or that he is criticizing single mothers (he was raised by one, and often shares how he benefitted from male models in addition to having an incredible mother). I strongly believe that this is not a threat to feminism, it’s in fact part of it.

So this Father’s Day let’s celebrate the dads who do more than “babysit,” the men who show up for kids that aren’t theirs, the teachers, coaches, neighbors, uncles, mentors, and bonus dads. The ones planting those damn trees with no expectation to sit under them. 🌳

And yes, even though I’m waxing poetic about men, masculinity and legacy… I couldn’t help myself. I also went shopping 😊. So I rounded up a few Father’s Day gift ideas too (scroll down to check it out), and while they may say they want “nothing,” I refuse to believe that the father figure in your life wouldn’t love something thoughtful, beautifully made, or a totally unforgettable experience with you or your kids. I promise that there are no socks, ties, or grills in sight.

Sending love,

Patricia

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Hi there,

Before I start, here are our Programming Notes:

We now have a new page on our website for The Matriark Salon, with a calendar of events. Our next gathering is June 4^th is about PERIMENOPAUSE and MENOPAUSE at Wave Social Wellness Southampton, and tickets are available HERE. We will announce our June 16^th guest next week, so stay tuned.

The video from our The Matriark Salon & Pop Up Season Salon with Brad Ford is now available for Paid Subscribers, just head to the Salon’s page and scroll down. We will upload the one with Jessie Freschl soon. It’s very casual an if you haven’t attended, hopefully you’ll be able to get the overall vibe of our events and join us next time!

We had our monthly giveway for our Founding Members, and the lucky winner got the blush acrylic phone chain to carry their cell phones in style. Thank you Criss Cross Company and Andrea Mueffelmann for the lovely gift!

We’ve got the apps. The devices. The group chats. But who are we really connected to?

Back in 2017, long before AI began rewiring our lives, Oprah sat down with war journalist Sebastian Junger to talk about belonging and his book Tribe *. She recently replayed the conversation on her Super Soul podcast, and I couldn’t stop nodding and thinking about on how this conversation is even more relevant today than it was 8 years ago. Junger spoke not just about the breakdown of political unity, but about something deeper: the collapse of human connection.

He talks about how somewhere along the path of “progress,” we traded community for independence. We don’t rely on our neighbors, we don’t speak to people IRL, and we live in single-family homes with individual screens and individual schedules, where even families pass like ships in the night. It’s not just division—it’s fracture. (related to the topic of technology, I wrote about “The Other A.I.” - Artificial Intimacy , take a look HERE, and scroll down all the way for a video of Sebastian at Talks at Google).

What are we really starving for underneath it all is safety, meaning, and a place to be ourselves without performing. That hasn’t changed in thousands of years.

So when we do get a glimpse of real connection, it hits deep. This has been my main motivation to host The Matriark Salon. In our gathering with Brad Ford and Jessie Freschl, we came together to talk entrepreneurship, style, the Earth, our bodies, but what we actually did was meet each other’s humanity. Just people—smart, curious, different—sitting in a room with the shared intention to connect. To see and be seen in a real, authentic way.

Those moments are rare, especially in adulthood. Finding your tribe as a grown-up is hard. It’s messy. It takes vulnerability, trial and error, walking into rooms where you don’t know anyone and hoping you won’t be the only one who doesn’t belong.

And if you’re a person of color or navigating different class codes, it’s even more layered. The courage it takes just to enter the room, not knowing if you’ll be fully seen, heard, or respected, is real and sometimes paralyzing. The emotional calculus is exhausting. Maybe that’s why I’ve always loved to entertain at home. There’s something about creating the space myself that feels safer, more intentional, but alas, I bought a small house, so now I host Salons wherever I can :)

But we need to keep showing up because our joy, our health, our very survival depends on it.

So if you’re still searching for your people, keep going. Host your own salons. Invite someone to have coffee. Ask a neighbor for help. Join that workshop. Your tribe is out there, and closer than you think.

Sending love,

Patricia

PS: there is also a video of Sebastian Junger at the Talks at Google and Youtube if you want to watch

Photo credits: Vogue, People Magazine/Amanda Booth, Miss Enocha, Pinterest/Unknown, Destiny Gabriel, Pinterest/Unknown

Hi there,

Before we get into today’s newsletter, I’m thrilled to share this:

As part of The Matriark Salon, Stylist and Entrepreneur Jessie Freschl will be joining me and Susan Sandler (of The Pop Up Season) for a fun gathering on Thursday, May 22. It’s going to be a casual and soulful conversation about entrepreneurship, style and philanthropy. Jessie helps her clients to express their authentic selves through accessible, confidence-building fashion, so we’ll also discuss how we see ourselves, our bodies and how we want to present to the world.

Jessie Freschl is a dynamic entrepreneur and visionary in the fashion industry, shaped by growing up in a family of three generations of female entrepreneurs. In 2011, she founded Freschstyle, a personal styling business known for its transformative, client-focused approach. She has styled executives and public figures, earning features in NY Magazine, The New York Times, and NBC News. In 2019, Jessie launched Shop Repurpose, a nonprofit that transforms luxury resale into a platform for social good by empowering NYC youth through job readiness and mentorship. Her latest project, Turnstyle, is a tech platform connecting curators, businesses, and clients to seamlessly transact, communicate, and connect.

🎟️ Invites go out this Friday to Founding Members and Paid Subscribers first. Once they RSVP, we’ll open remaining seats to our Free Subscribers.
📍 The event is in East Hampton, and address will be provided upon RSVP.
✍️ Seating is VERY limited.

I’m excited for our Salon & Meditation with Zuzanna Von Salm tomorrow, and we’ve got more salons coming up on June 5th and June 16th, so stay tuned for more announcements.

Want to guarantee your spot at our beautiful gatherings? Upgrade to paid subscription and join us!

Now on to our regular programming!

Every time Mother’s Day comes around, I think about printing a T-shirt:
“We’ve raised civilizations, and all we got was a lousy mimosa.”

And every year I dream of something larger than brunch. I want real wellness. Real community. I want a world that nurtures the nurturers, and that truly values mothers as the essential source of health and wellbeing for future generations.

The word I keep coming back to is abundance.

At its best, motherhood, whether of children, dreams, or communities, is an act of endless giving.

But to give abundantly, we must live abundantly.
Not in the surface, but in a deep, life-affirming way that can sustain us over time.

So instead of a regular gift guide, here’s my ultimate Mother’s Day wish list: a collection of fabulous things I wish for myself, and for all of us mothering others and ourselves:

A Modern Village: Friends, family (the one you choose, not just the one you're born into), quality and affordable childcare, and spaces that make raising healthy, vibrant families possible. We used to have these support systems nearby. Women didn’t have to do it alone. We deserve a support system that nurtures everyone involved, including us.

Real Food Access: Fresh, organic, non-GMO, nutrient-rich foods, grown by neighboring farms and local makers. Healthy mothers, healthy children, healthy families.

Gathering Spaces: Sanctuaries where we can recharge, connect, learn, and simply be. Spaces like The Matriark Salon, Ceremonia Meditation by Zuzanna von Salm, and other special places that nurture friendships, community, and wellbeing.

Walkable Cities and Vast green areas for all to enjoy: Parks, forests, clean sidewalks, and green spaces that invite us and our children to move, breathe, and thrive. Well-planned cities that put the health of their citizens first, and build accordingly.

Holistic Healthcare: Doctors who don't just treat illness, but work to prevent them and dive into root causes, helping us live fully. Doctors who fully integrate their practice with other modalities such as nutritionists, fitness instructors, acupuncturists, women’s health and menopause. Who take time to listen to each patient, to know our history, our needs, our relationships, and our environment because those things shape our health too.

And here’s my fantasy Mother’s Day wishlist. Not that the above isn’t already a fantasy... but while we are at it, why not dream even bigger?

🧠 A Mental Load Downloader: A device that extracts every to-do, appointment, grocery list, and permission slip from our heads, and delegates them automatically.

❌ A Guilt Eraser: One button to clear the residual guilt about motherhood and work-life balance because deep down, we know we're doing our best.

💊 A Menopause Magic Pill: A hormone balancer with no side effects. Blissful transition, no drama.

📸 An Automatic Photo Printer and Organizer: Every month, it selects the best photos from my phone, prints them, and binds them into a beautiful album — no effort required.

🛏️ A Custom Natural Latex Non-Toxic (no VOC) Pillow Molded to My Head and Neck: the closest I got from it is this company, but it’s made with polyester filling. If you know someone, please email me!

This Mother’s Day, I want all mothers and caregivers to stop settling for crumbs. We deserve systems, communities, and spaces that allow us to give without going empty. I can’t wait for our Salon and meditation session with Zuzanna von Salm tomorrow to channel abundance in our lives.

Full lives. Full cups. Every Day. Oh how I wish!

Sending love,
Patricia

Hi there,

Before we dive in, I’m excited to share that our first monthly giveaway is here! This month, one lucky Founding Member will receive a gorgeous Blushed Bergamot Candle from our wonderful brand partner, L’avant Collective. It’s just one of the many perks of being a Founding Member, in addition to getting first dibs on invitations and front row seats at our salons, so I hope you consider joining. Founding Members pay just little over $1/day, and Paid Subscribers pay less than 30 cents/day! Speaking of salons, our first in-person gathering is happening on Friday April 25th and invitations will be sent first to Founding Members and Paid Subscribers. We have an exciting line up and we can’t wait to share the details and see you IRL. Save the date and keep your eyes peeled for the announcement soon. Huge thanks to L’avant Collective and its amazing Founders Lindsay Droz and Kristi Lord for making beautiful products that are gentle on the planet, and for supporting our community.

Now, on to our regular programming. April is National Stress Awareness Month, and I've been thinking about something universally frustrating and maddening for women: the Ticker (I heard this term first at Glennon Doyle’s Podcast), aka the never-ending Mental Load. Welcome to what I call the Vicious Cycle of Resentment. In this week’s newsletter, I’m sharing what I’ve learned and how I’m trying to break that cycle, with 3 book recs and a few beautiful products to help us stay sane. Grab a seat, and get ready to feel seen 😅.

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Hi there,

We’ve all seen it. Some of us lived it. The girls who made the school hallways tense, who thrived on drama, who built their social power on other people’s pain. We grinned and bore it, or we brushed it off. “They’re just teenagers,” adults would say. “It’s a phase.”

And now that I’m raising a teen girl, I’m not so sure. Everything I am experiencing is begging me to pose this question: what if it’s not just a phase?

Of course, some of those girls grow up and become kind, empathetic women. Maybe maturity, therapy, or life humbles them along the way. But I also wonder how many just get better at disguising their behavior, or worse, get rewarded for it. Have you ever dealt with someone and thought, I bet she was a mean girl back in the day? Because that thought crosses my mind more often than I’d like to admit.

Just to clarify: by “mean girl,” I don’t mean the girl who speaks up or knows her worth. Nor the one who’s labeled “bossy” because she knows how to lead. I’m talking about the girl who knows exactly how to hurt someone and does it anyway. Who uses exclusion as currency. Who builds her status by cutting others down.

The truth is the twisted ways we learn to treat each other starts young and can stick for life (and yes, I know boys have challenging dynamics too, but that’s for another day).

The Hormone Cop-out

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Hi there,

Let me start by saying this: I am not trying to portray wealthy women as victims of our culture. I am well aware of the enormous economic disparities in the world, and being rich is not the worst problem a person can have.

But as someone who believes more money in women’s hands benefits all of us, I want to address a very specific cultural issue:

If we truly want women to achieve economic freedom and generational wealth, we need to stop punishing them for having money, especially when they enjoy it.

Meghan, Duchess of Sussex: The Poster Girl for Wealthy Women People Love to Hate

I’ve followed Meghan since her engagement to Prince Harry. Not as a royal expert, but as a woman of color who understands how the system can work against us. I was sincerely hoping her marriage would usher in a new dynamic era in a very dusty institution and inspire the world to be more open, but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

And while there are many reasons people have strong opinions about Meghan due to race, class, her marriage, her choices, and now her new show, today, I want to talk about why people love to hate wealthy women, Meghan being one of the most famous of them all.

Let’s be honest here: the world has a problem with powerful women.
Especially wealthy women of color who don’t apologize for it.

So, society finds ways to question their status:

• If they are wildly successful, they must be terrible mothers.

• If they earn too much, they must be greedy and ruthless. Worse, they must have slept their way to the top.

• If they spend on luxury and a beautiful life, they must be vain and materialistic.

• If they marry into wealth, they must be gold diggers.

And if they dare to be beautiful, smart, wealthy, and live with ease, we will pick them apart and punish them with relentless criticism and judgment until they tone things down and become more “relatable”.

As always, double the punishment if you happen to be a woman of color.

The Feminist Asterisk: Support Women… But Not Those Women

The sad part is that Meghan’s (and many wealthy women’s) loudest critics aren’t men. They’re other women.

Women who claim to support women, but only the right kind of woman. I read so many articles written by women about Meghan’ and her new show:

• They cringe at something she says about her last name.

• They accuse her of showing off for wearing a Cartier gold watch, a diamond ring, and designer clothes.

• They criticize her choice of filming in a neighbor’s rented house and not in her own 30-million-dollar mansion.

With everything happening in the world where our daughters have fewer rights than our mothers, this is what we’re spending energy on? A harmless show about home and comfort? It’s petty and embarrassing.

Just admit you don’t like that she’s rich, has nice things and seems to be enjoying life.

Why Do Wealthy Women Have to Perform Modesty?

Unlike wealthy men, wealthy women are expected to make accommodations for the comfort of others. They must appear modest, stay relatable, overthink what they wear and, most importantly, they have to “spend their money wisely” by becoming philanthropists.

I’m not saying wealthy women (or anyone) shouldn’t give back, or that it’s OK to be reckless. But if a wealthy woman like Meghan, who isn’t harming anyone and it’s just releasing a TV show making cakes and pasta sparks so much criticism, can you imagine the backlash if Mackenzie Scott decided to spend her fortune building rockets and sending herself and her friends to space?

The truth is, need more wealthy women living unapologetically, not fewer. Women don’t owe anyone modesty, not even Meghan.

Live in Joy. No Explanations Needed.

To Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, and every woman who feels their wealth, comfort and well-being have to be explained or justified:

Live your life.
Make your home beautiful.
Tend to your bees.
Throw the dinner parties.
Wear the Loro Piana and Jenni Kayne sweaters.
Make the rainbow fruit salad.
Stretch out on your Montecito terrace, soak in the sun, and revel in the life you have.

Live in joy as poetic justice, and let other women and girls see what it looks like (with or without Netflix) when a woman claims wealth, beauty, comfort, love, friendship, and abundance, without apology.

And if you are a woman of color:

Double the recipe. Rinse and repeat.

Sending lots of love (to all women),

Patricia

Hi there,

International Women’s Day is in 2 days. And while I’m all for celebrating women, I need to clear the air with men first.

Picture this:

A man—let’s call him Mr. Man—builds a huge building, lives in it comfortably, and whether through negligence or intention, sets parts of it on fire. Women rush in with buckets, trying to put out the flames and making sure everyone inside survives. Meanwhile, other men and women steal their buckets, trip them, or criticize how they’re fighting the fire. But the women keep going.

Mr. Man ignores the fire because he lives in the safest rooms. And when women tell him what’s happening, he shrugs. Not my fault, he says.

So the women, exhausted, go to workshops to learn how to be firefighters. They teach each other how to build stronger, fireproof walls. They organize conferences to share firefighting techniques and commiserate about how tough it’s to live in a burning building. They ask some of the male residents to be allies. The allies nod, sympathize, and buy the women new buckets while avoiding Mr. Man and the fire altogether.

Then, some people start blaming the women for the stress they’re under. They tell them they should be grateful to have a building at all, despite the fires. Others move toward Mr. Man’s part of the building, hoping to find safety at his side, and start adding to the fire to keep everyone else from crowding their space. So much time passes that fighting the fire becomes just another part of daily life.

And Mr. Man? He goes on, untouched, oblivious, never facing the consequences of what he’s done.

Sigh.

War. Environmental disasters. Economic instability. Violence. Authoritarian governments. The world is on fire, literally and figuratively. And who has been in charge while it burns? Mostly men. The overwhelming majority of world leaders, CEOs, policymakers, and power brokers shaping our economies, governments, and industries are men. And under their leadership, we’ve seen endless conflicts, financial collapses, climate negligence, and policies that widen inequality.

Women have spent centuries trying to fix disasters we didn’t create. And yet, we are still being told to work harder, to “lean in,” to negotiate better, to fight for a seat at a table built by men, for men. I’m telling you: those buckets are not it.

Enough already. I’m done making inequality my problem to fix. Of course I’m all for women helping women, and we absolutely should continue to fight for our rights. But women alone cannot clean up the mess we didn’t make. All the networking, mentoring, and leadership training in the world won’t make a difference if the actual power holders are not part of the solution. “Don’t alienate men”, they say. “Focus on what we can do instead of blaming people”, they say. That’s all great, but where did this lead us? To a world where my daughter has less rights than her grandmother - that’s where. I’m sorry but in this environment, we can’t afford to play these games anymore. The only way we achieve real equality is if men start stepping up NOW instead of leaving women to fight for their own humanity year after year.

So To the Good Men Out There: This Is Your Moment.

Here are some suggestions on what to do:

🔥 Start the protests: Do you know who should be organizing demonstrations and actively trying to affect change in reproductive freedom, voting rights, paid parental leave, and an end to sexual and domestic violence? Men. Not just showing up as “supportive guests”, but leading them.

🔥 Call out the bias. Do you know who should be calling out mansplaining, pay gaps, the lack of funding for women-owned businesses, and discrimination in boardrooms? Yes - Men. I know you benefit from this, but you have integrity and there is plenty of money to go around. You got this.

🔥 Invite other men to the fight. Have plenty of masculine energy? Use it here. Call your male friends and colleagues and lead them to the fight. And for all women out there: next time you’re outraged about inequality, don’t just vent to your female friends. Call your husband, brother, father, coworkers, male politicians. Show them this list and tell them to start acting.

🔥 No more “empowering women.” We don’t need you to empower us. Please empower other men to fight for women’s rights and to take responsibility.

🔥 Raise your sons to be aware of the fire—and not set it. Teach them about the building, the damage that’s already been done, and their responsibility to stop adding to it. Explain that real strength doesn’t come from domination—it comes from integrity, fairness, and standing up for what’s right. Break the cycle!

To good men out there who say they support equality:

PROVE IT.

We are done carrying those stupid buckets. We need YOU to extinguish the fire (and stop setting it in the first place).

Sending (tough) love and gratitude,

Patricia

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A Love Letter to All Underdogs

(Demi Moore and Fernanda Torres at the Golden Globes. Photo via Selton Mello)

Hi there,

This week, the Golden Globes reminded me of something profound — no matter how accomplished someone is, at some point, we all feel like underdogs.

Fernanda Torres’s win wasn’t just a personal victory; it felt like a collective triumph for Brazilians who often feel overshadowed on the global stage. Her success was a moment to celebrate, to believe in what’s possible. Then there was Demi Moore, reflecting on a 45-year career, admitting in her acceptance speech that she was once dismissed as a “popcorn actress.” She never thought she’d be allowed to hold an award, let alone be recognized in that way. That moment hit home for me.

As the granddaughter of Japanese Brazilian immigrants, I’ve been an outsider and an underdog since birth - even with the privileges I’ve had. Never quite Brazilian enough in Brazil. Never Japanese enough for Japan. And now, living in the U.S., never fully American. Along the way, I’ve been labeled plenty of things by people who assumed I couldn’t be or do certain things.

Women, especially, carry these stories. Without external markers like promotions, awards, or recognition, it can be easy to listen to those voices and doubt ourselves—to wonder if we’re capable or if we truly belong when the world so often suggests otherwise (especially if you are a person of color). But here’s the truth: The only thing separating us from anyone else is how we see ourselves. Labels only have the power we give them.

So, let’s hold on to this — everyone feels like an outsider sometimes, but we belong anywhere we wish to be. And while the world may still have powerful gatekeepers, some doors only look closed. If we’re bold enough to try the handle, we just might find they’re unlocked and ready to be opened.

Sending lot of love,
Patricia

PS1: Cheers to all the women making history this awards season: Nikki Glaser as the first solo woman presenter in the Golden Globes' history, Fernanda Torres for being the first Brazilian to win Best Actress in a Motion Picture-Drama, Zoe Saldanha for becoming the first Dominican-American to be nominated and win Best Supporting Acctress in Motion Picture award, Anna Sawai for being the first Asian woman to win Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama, Ali Wong for becoming the first woman to win Best Stand-up Comedy performance for her Netflix special Single Lady, and Karla Sofía Gascón as the first openly Transgender Actress nominated for a Golden Globe for her role in Emilia Pérez, and Demi Moore for her first acting award, the Golden Globe for Actress in a Comedy or Musical. 👏

PS1: As I wrote last week, our store is closed for the winter, and we will permanently close our doors on January 15th. WE ARE OPENING THE SHOP THIS SATURDAY JANUARY 11TH AND SUNDAY JANUARY 12TH FOR A BIG SALE, SO IF YOU ARE IN THE HAMPTONS, DON'T MISS THIS! COME BY TO SAY HI EITHER WAY, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU ONE LAST TIME AT THE SHOP.

In the meantime, I am working on some very interesting interviews, and will share those in time, so stay tuned for that 😉

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All of the linked products are independently selected and curated by Matriark and our team. We may earn a commission If you buy something from our links.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this newsletter is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider for all questions regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something mentioned in this newsletter. Matriark’s Founder and employees are not medical professionals, and any opinions or views expressed should not be construed as medical advice. Reliance on any information provided in this newsletter is solely at your own risk. Matriark and any of its affiliated parties shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the information provided or for any actions taken based on the information shared. It is strongly advised to consult with a qualified healthcare professional for individualized advice and guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

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PATRICIA'S HOT TAKE ON GRATITUDE: NO MORE LEFTOVERS

(Photograph taken by Patricia of Judith Hudson's Painting from the artist Exhibit at Tripoli Gallery * in June 2024. "Violet Night", 2024 watercolor on paper 22 x 30 inches (55.88 x 76.2 cm))

Hi there,

As we settle into our holiday trifecta—turkey, togetherness, and Black Friday shopping — instead of the usual warm and fuzzy holiday message, I’d like to stir the pot and discuss what we should truly be grateful for, and what is just plain bullsh*t that’s designed to keep women in their places. Let me explain.

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Anchor and Container

Last summer, I invited Dr. Tovah Klein to join me for a fireside conversation, a casual get together at the shop. I didn't realize that our event would fall right after the Presidential election, let alone how much we would need this conversation.

The focus of our talk tomorrow is Resilience. In her book, Tovah shares one of her finds from years of research: children who are best able to handle life’s inevitable hardships and disappointments are the ones whose parents serve as their “anchors and containers” — giving them stability, listening to them, holding their emotions, and allowing them to feel understood. As I reflect on this, it’s clear to me that all of us, not just children, need exactly the same thing.

Do you have someone in your life who can play those roles? And if that support isn’t there, can you be that source of strength for yourself? How can we do this for ourselves, loved ones and friends?

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A Halloween Tale: Don't Let Women's Rights Get Ghosted

Hi there,

Happy Halloween! Whether you’re surrounded by jack-o’-lanterns or just shielding yourself from the pre-election horrors, let’s take a minute to reflect on the state of our democracy—and why this election is so essential. When I arrived in the U.S. back in the ‘90s, elections were tough, often vicious, but our core principles were solid, and in no time our democracy was ever at risk as it is today. Out of my own frustrations in 2016, I started Matriark in hopes to champion women and LGBTQI+ owned brands and artists, and I simply can't stay silent in times like these. Everything we value as a community —reproductive freedom, equal rights, freedom, integrity, basic decency, generosity and kindness —is on the line (again!), and we need everyone to show up.

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Can't Sit This One Out

I recall sitting around countless dinners with my girlfriends in New York, venting our frustration about the 2016 election. Eventually, I got tired of my own complaining and decided to channel my frustration into something more productive, so I created Matriark.

Equality, human rights, and yes, women having more power, more money, more seats at the table — that’s our passion and mission. It’s no secret that when women thrive, everyone wins. This company was born from a desire to uplift women and LGBTQIA+ businesses and artists, and most of the time we do “light fare” such as fashion and shopping to funnel resources to those businesses. I try to keep Matriark positive and fun, and stay away from topics that will bum you out, but it’s different this time around. As it is, my daughter has fewer rights now than her grandmother did, and as a woman of color – or just as a human being - I just can’t sit this one out. We’re 33 days away from the Presidential election, and so many things are at stake, so whether you lean left or right, I hope you register to vote! It won’t take too much time and you'll have a say on who governs this amazing country.

Beyond voting, there’s plenty you can do: donate, make calls, or buy products. I am, of course, voting for Kamala Harris and I've selected my favorite merch to help keep the momentum going. For starters, I’m loving Argent's “Voting Suits You” campaign, and hence the photo above. Their fabulous t-shirt is from a collaboration with Michelle Obama and When We All Vote— I grabbed extras for my girlfriends when I was at Argent's shop in NYC yesterday 😊.

Scroll down for more of my favorite politically charged merch. And whatever you do—just don’t forget to vote!

As a reminder, our Sag Harbor store is closed until November, but we will be back with some fun activations.

SAVE THE DATE: FRIDAY NOVEMBER 8th - 6PM

Fire side chat , book signinging and cocktails with Tovah Klein, Ph.D. Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and Adjunct Associate Professor, and author of Raising Resilience.

In the works: a wellness event, a Holiday shopping event and more. Stay tuned.

Sending love, talk to you next week!

Patricia

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