* If you prefer audio, you can listen to this newsletter on Substack. Just find the play button on the top right corner.

THE EPIDEMIC

Let’s call it what it is. Comparisonitis. It’s not a clinical diagnosis, but a term that organizational psychologists now use to describe the chronic, habitual loop of measuring ourselves against others until we’re too demoralized to move. It is, at this point, an epidemic. Social media didn’t invent it, but Instagram has absolutely turbocharged it into something we’ve never seen before at this scale.

We’ve all known this instinctively for years. I feel it on a daily basis. But it was through my advisory work with women founders that I realized that, not only it wasn’t just me, but it was everyone. The same story session after session, across industries, across very different women. Brilliant women, with real ideas and real capability, all frozen. Because they opened Instagram and saw someone doing something adjacent, and decided on the spot that it had already been done by someone better.

After watching so many people (myself included) suffer through this, I decided I had to go looking for answers. I’ve been looking at this for months, and today I’m sharing what I found. Why we do this, how it freezes us, my own spiral before pushing “publish” on this newsletter, and six things that actually help. I hope by the end of this you feel a little less alone in it, and a little more ready to live your life like nobody’s watching. Because, as it turns out, they really aren’t.

WHY WE DO THIS: looking sideways and upward social comparison

It’s normal for all humans to look sideways at other people as a way to evaluate themselves (called the Social Comparison Theory proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954). But research consistently shows that women engage in upward social comparison — measuring themselves against people they perceive as more successful, more put-together, further along — more frequently than men, and are far more likely to internalize the damage afterward. Men tend to deflect (“different circumstances,” “she got lucky”). Women absorb it directly into their sense of self. They are both comparing, but with very different aftermath.

And Instagram is a near-perfect machine for this because in most things that actually matter — am I a good enough mother, is my work meaningful, is my life adding up to something — there is no actual objective score. So we outsource the verdict to other people’s curated feed of best moments, and we use that as our mirror. No wonder we are all reeling with insecurity.

THE FREEZE: the spotlight that isn’t even on you

Psychologists Gilovich and Savitsky identified something called the Spotlight Effect — our consistent tendency to believe we are being observed and judged far more than we actually are. We walk through our lives convinced the room is paying attention to us: to our choices, our bodies, our work, our failures. It isn’t. Everyone else is too busy being convinced the room is paying attention to them.

This matters because comparisonitis feeds on that imaginary audience. You’re not just afraid you’re falling short, you’re afraid everyone can see it.

The shame of feeling behind is bad enough. But the belief that it’s obvious and visible, and that people are clocking the gap between you and others is what turns a passing moment of self-doubt into a full freeze. The spotlight isn’t real but the paralysis it causes very much is.

WHAT THE DATA SAYS: what hits us the most, how women lose it, and the self-defeating cycle.

Research has found that when we scroll through idealized images and lives on social media, we don’t feel bad about everything — we feel bad about the specific things that matter most to us personally. A writer feels like a fraud. A mother feels like she’s failing. A founder feels like she’s already been lapped.

To make matters worse for women, the “better than average” effect (Svenson, 1981) shows that most people naturally rate themselves above average on most things but men maintain this bias even after repeated failure, and women lose it faster and take longer to rebuild it. Every scroll accelerates that loss.

And to tie everything with a crazy self-defeating bow, just like women are conditioned to judge their bodies through someone else’s eyes, we do the exact same thing with everything else we create or care for. The newsletter, the home, the children, the relationship — they all become extensions of us, waiting to be graded. No wonder a bad scroll can level us.

A CONFESSION: this newsletter almost didn’t happen

I’m not a professional writer, nor do I have a degree in journalism, and English is not my first language. I didn’t come from fashion editorial, newspapers, or digital media. When I joined Substack, I was very intimidated by the caliber of the writers here, and I was convinced that, not only someone had already brilliantly covered every topic I thought of, but when I finally decide to write about it, I will be judged for being a terrible writer.

I had talked myself out of it approximately forty times before I finally hit “publish”. The voice in my head was relentless: “Who do I think I am to write anything here? I don’t belong here, and whatever I decide to write has already been done by someone better”. Sounds familiar?

That voice is still here, and sometimes it’s very loud. I still feel the anxiety every time I send you this newsletter. I often catch myself sliding into comparison mode, but I’ve learned a few things that help me interrupt the loop before it freezes me. I am sharing them below, and I hope it’s helpful to you too.

WHAT I TELL MY CLIENTS — AND MYSELF: six ways to get your blinders on

Though I’m not a life coach (my work is focused on brand and retail strategy), nothing will get done if the Founder is paralyzed with fear and comparisonitis. So I often share these practical and grounded tools I use for getting out of the comparison loop and back into my own life.

One last thing worth saying out loud. There is nothing wrong with us. Comparisonitis isn’t a personal failing, it’s just a product of well designed platforms that need all of us feeling inadequate, scrolling and engaging to continue to make billions of dollars. The strategies I shared above are meant to remind us that this system is built to keep us consuming instead of living.

So put the blinders on, and get back to your full, beautiful, imperfect life. Your chapter five is the only one that matters right now.

Sending love,

Patricia

PS: If you are an entrepreneur and need help with your brand, check my credentials and some of my advisory work HERE. You can also schedule a Discovery Call HERE so we can chat and see if we are a good fit.

Share THE MATRIARK NEWSLETTER

Hi there,

Before we start, I want to remind you of this special event I am co-hosting to benefit CaringKind, a trusted partner in brain health, supporting families and individuals impacted by Alzheimer’s and related dementia.

I’m so honored to have been selected to join 100 WOMEN OF IMPACT, convened by CaringKind, a national movement of women leaders committed to shaping the future of brain health and well-being. Guided by shared purpose and compassion, we champion research that confirms Alzheimer’s and related dementia risk can be significantly reduced by up to 40%.

Please join me alongside my co-host’s and fellow Women Of Impact Meredith Burns, Melissa Breitbart, Jan Planit, and Amber Rae on Friday, March 27th from 12:30–2:30 PM at Veronica Beard in Southampton. I hope to see you there!

OK, onwards to this week’s newsletter!

PS: Pro-tip: if you prefer audio, you can listen to this newsletter on Substack. Just find the play button on the top right corner!

Some of the statistics cited in this newsletter are based on published medical research available at the time of writing, and others were shared with me with my doctor in 2018. Please consult your own healthcare team for the most current information and personalized medical advice. This is a personal story, not medical guidance.

You may remember back in 2013, when Angelina Jolie wrote an op-ed at the of The New York Times titled “My Medical Choice,” revealing that she carried the BRCA1 gene mutation. That gave her an estimated 87% risk of breast cancer and a 50% risk of ovarian cancer, and she shared she had already undergone a preventive double mastectomy. Two years later, she followed with the removal of her ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Referrals for genetic counseling doubled. BRCA testing surged 64%. Women who had been quietly terrified suddenly had permission to ask more questions, and choose. They called it the “Angelina Effect.”

Today, prophylactic mastectomies are far more common than they were in 2013. But it’s major surgery, and a deeply personal decision, and it requires more information than most of us are given when we need it most.

I know, because I lived it.

The Phone Call

In 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My former doctor called me and simply said “I’m sorry, you have breast cancer. Youn need to find a surgeon and an oncologist, so get your pathology reports sent over. I have no more information.” (I also wrote about this here). Now you know why she is no longer my doctor.

I didn’t even know there was more than one type of breast cancer. I thought cancer was cancer, the big, terrifying, C word. I hung up the phone and the only thought in my mind, on an absolute loop, was: I can’t die. I need to be here for my kids.

What followed was two weeks of bureaucratic chaos. Calling the hospital to get pathology reports sent to Memorial Sloan Kettering (a full-time job in itself), then my surgeon requesting an entirely new pathology analysis to confirm the diagnosis. Two weeks of not knowing if I was facing something survivable or something catastrophic was torture.

Thankfully, my cancer was caught in the earliest form, and it was non-invasive, encapsulated. The five-year survival rate was over 99%. I exhaled for the first time in fourteen days.

“It’s Not Necessary”. Why I Did It Anyway.

My instinct from the start was to have a mastectomy. Just get rid of it. But my surgeon, rightly so (medically speaking), told me it wasn’t necessary. She walked me through the statistics: the 10-year survival rate was 98% regardless of treatment approach after surgery. The recurrence rate after lumpectomy and radiation was from 5 to 15% in 10 years. The annual risk of developing cancer in the other breast was about roughly 5-6% at 10 years, about 10% over 25 years.

(These are the statistics she shared with me then; current numbers may vary.)

The numbers seemed to be in my favor. I was distraught, exhausted from the diagnostic saga, and just wanted someone to get the cancer out of me so I could get on with my life. So we did a lumpectomy and radiation. When radiation ended, I was relieved and got right back to my life.

But here’s what no one told me : when the treatment ends, the anxiety begins. At least for me, it did.

Every year, I went for my screening, and it was always terrifying. Multiple times I had scares that required additional biopsies, on both breasts. Then, two years ago, I had to have a small spot removed that was deemed very high-risk. Doctors are excellent during treatment, but they don’t prepare you for the emotional aftermath, the yearly dread, and the constant vigilance. There is a heavy, invisible weight of constantly living on alert.

Sure, I was lucky it was caught early, and the statistics were on my side. But survival rate is different than recurrence rate - who wants to go through this again, even if we have high chances of surviving it??? If it came back, it could come back invasive. And then I’d be looking at a whole different battle, like chemo, and maybe a far more uncertain outcome. And though the statistics of survival are “good”, what if I fell on the “bad side”? I’m already an anxious person, and living in fear, and waiting for the other shoe to drop was eroding my quality of life.

So two years ago, I made my decision: double mastectomy. I went back to my doctor, who once again gently and professionally told me it wasn’t necessary. This time, I pushed back. “I know the statistics, but this is about my mental health. This is about my quality of life. I can’t keep living like this.”

She relented. And last January, I went through with it.

Listen, I’m not here to convince you to do it. This is a huge decision and it must be done carefully (it took me 7 years to do it). But if you take one thing from my story, let it be this: listen to the doctors and do your research. Ask other doctors and people you know who went through it. And then if you want to pursue a different route, you are allowed to advocate for yourself, even when the data says you’re fine. Your mental health counts too. Your peace of mind is a legitimate medical concern. You know your body and your limits better than anyone else.

If You’re Considering This: Implants vs. DIEP Flap

I want to share what I learned, and hopefully this will help. I was offered two main options:

Option 1: Silicone implants. Shorter surgery, shorter recovery. But implants are not lifetime devices. I was told by my surgeon that they last 10 to 20 years before needing replacement, and there was risk of rupture. H also told me that if I chose silicone, their ruptures may be “silent” with no visible symptoms, and after I researched it, I learned that the leak can potentially cause inflammation, and a symptoms like fatigue, joint pain, and brain fog (what some women and doctors refer to as “breast implant illness.”). At the time of my research, there was also a rare but real cancer risk called BIA-ALCL (breast implant-associated anaplastic large cell lymphoma), primarily linked to textured implants. The FDA explicitly states that breast implants are not lifetime devices and that patients should expect at least one additional surgery. If I didn’t have any other choice, I would go for this and would do a lot of surveillance, but I had another option.

Option 2: DIEP flap reconstruction. This is what I chose. It used tissue from my abdomen for reconstruction. If I lose weight, it will “shrink” with me, if I gain weight, it will grow with me. The surgery is longer (mine was eight hours) because they do reconstruction all at once, and there is the added recovery of your core / abdomen, so recovery takes about six weeks.

The surgery went very well, but recovery is not a walk in the park. And it’s where the story gets both harder and more beautiful.

The Village And The Things Hospitals Don’t Tell You

Before my surgery, I called the hospital to ask what I should buy to prepare for recovery. The nurse told me I was fine and didn’t need anything specific. I asked again: Are you sure? Nothing?? I mentioned a recliner, special shirts, and other gear, and she told me to just use several pillows to elevate my back during sleep, and nothing else.

Reader, that nurse was wrong. Alright, so technically she was right: sure, I would have survived not having anything else, but my life would have been infinitely worse if I didn’t.

Thank God for the women who had gone before me. I reached out to friends who’d had similar procedures, and they were extraordinary. They shared resources, told me exactly what to buy, and gave me tips on navigating recovery - information the hospital simply did not provide. Because of them, I knew to rent a recliner that could stand me up to a fully upright position (so I wouldn’t strain my abdomen). I in fact slept on it for 2 weeks, and renting that clunky ugly thing was the best thing I ever did. I knew to buy open-front shirts with built-in pockets for the surgical drains which, by the way, are the single worst part of recovery, but very manageable with the right gear. I can’t understand, for the life of me, why that nurse couldn’t just agree that those were good ideas!

(Side note to every hospital administrator reading this: put pockets for drains in the gowns. It would help your patients AND save a lot of your nurses’ time. You’re welcome.)

And then there was the meal train.

Nine of my friends organized a meal delivery for my family with delicious food every single day for a week, so my husband and mother-in-law wouldn’t have to worry about cooking while taking care of me during those crucial days. A small-town tradition, with me as its lucky recipient.

I felt so taken care of by friends, by family, by the dedicated nurses, and by my surgical team. I’ll never be able to thank my breast surgeon enough. Her precision, care and her super human team - the best. She introduced me to my plastic surgeon, who is not only technically brilliant but genuinely empathetic. There’s a special trust involved in letting someone reconstruct part of your body, and I was lucky to find a surgeon who is equal parts artist and human being.

A Love Letter

All in all, despite the trials and tribulation, the stress, anxiety and difficult decisions, I’m writing this not as a cautionary tale, but as a love letter.

To our bodies, these imperfect yet resilient, miraculous machines that carry us through everything and somehow keep going.

To the caregivers, the friends who show up with casseroles, the family members who hold your hand when you’re scared, and the women in your orbit who text to check on you six weeks later when everyone else has moved on.

To the nurses, who do the unglamorous, essential, tender work of keeping us alive and comfortable, and who deserve pockets in those gowns, honestly.

To the surgeons with skilled, steady-hands who fix us, and rebuild us.

And most of all, this is a love letter to the survivors. The ones who carry the anxiety before every scan, the worries about the statistics, the fears about not being there for your children and families, and the strength to keep going no matter what. You are brave, and you are not alone.

Angelina Jolie wrote in her op-ed: “Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.” That was the most important thing for me. I can’t worry about things I don’t control, but I can choose to have peace of mind, to know I did my best for me and my family, and to regain a little more joy in my life.

Sending love and health,

Patricia

Hi there,

I recently had major (preventative) surgery. I am well, healthy, healing, and deeply grateful. But this I know for sure: being a patient is like being a project manager under anesthesia.

I was treated by extraordinary doctors in a state-of-the-art hospital, and learned first-hand how surgeons, nurses, and staff are working around the clock, saving lives, and doing deeply human work inside an inhuman system.

The surgery itself was long, eight hours, and successful. I planned, prepared, and asked many questions beforehand. What no one prepares you for is what comes after. You are groggy, vulnerable, barely in your body, and suddenly responsible for managing your own care inside a machine that never slows down and often feels like a roller coaster.

My 2 main surgeons were off because it was the weekend, so I saw their teams. But… shifts! So every 12 hours, a new team. New faces, new questions, different moods and bedside manners. Rinse and repeat.

“My back really hurts.”
“Yes, eight hours on a table will do that.”
[Silence] “Okay, so can we treat it? Painkillers are no working on my back”
“Sure, we will get you a patch.” (off protocol)

The nurse forgot about it, then her shift ended. Rinse and repeat. Explain again to a new nurse. Wait again. The patch was finally applied two hours later.

“My stomach burns.”
“It’s nausea from the anesthesia, right?”
“I had nausea earlier but this doesn’t feel like nausea. Could it be oral medication on an empty stomach?”
“Maybe, but probably from anesthesia.”
[Silence] “Okay, so can we treat it?”
“OK, I’ll get the anti-acid” (off protocol)

At another point, after being administered a muscle relaxer, my blood pressure dropped. Despite the exhaustion, I explained clearly, calmly, repeatedly: “It’s probably the medication. My dad had the same reaction.”

Every nurse rechecked my vitals. Nah…

“It’s probably the drowsiness from anesthesia.”

Twelve hours later, my blood pressure mysteriously normalized.

“Could it be because my medication wore off?”
“Maybe, but nah… probably the anesthesia.”

I don’t think the nurses or doctors were purposefully cruel or careless. But I’m convinced that something more insidious takes over their jobs: a generalized selective hearing to protect protocol over person. Getting off script for the sake of the patient means you have to listen, work harder, justify it to your boss, and it may cost more (even your job).

Then came the discharge conversation that almost pushed me over the edge.

I live 2.5 hours away. I was still nauseated, weak, and burning with stomach pain. I said multiple times that I did not feel safe getting into a car.

A young doctor from one of the surgical teams looked at me and said, flatly:

“I know you’re not feeling well, but with medication, you’ll be able to be discharged later today.”

She visited twice and said the same thing, even though I repeated how I felt. When she returned for her last visit, already dark outside, she asked:

“It’s been many hours, so you should be feeling better and ready to go home, right?”

“I feel exactly the same,” I said. “I am not comfortable leaving. I already spoke to the nurses and my husband agrees, we can’t leave today.”

Her face dropped. She was visibly annoyed. I had disrupted her plans and interrupted the system. I threw the wrench in the machine.

“Okay,” she said. “We’ll plan discharge tomorrow.”

Then she turned around and left. No “I hope you feel better” or “Is there anything else I can do?”

She was cold, but also intelligent, trained, efficient, and operating inside a structure that sometimes treats patients like the chocolates in the I Love Lucy conveyor belt scene. Except that patients are not chocolates, staff shouldn’t work like Lucy, and the consequences are not funny.

To add insult to injury, we already know that women are far more likely to be gaslit in medical settings. Our symptoms are minimized and our instincts questioned. Self-advocacy is applauded until you are medicated, exhausted, scared, and still expected to argue for your own safety, only to be labeled a difficult patient.

I had every possible advantage: excellent insurance, top-tier doctors, a non-life threatening issue, I was conscious and had an advocate with me. My husband did not need to speak. His presence alone was enough to lend credibility to what I was already saying. Infuriating, but true.

If this was hard for me, what happens to patients without all these advantages?

This newsletter is a call to look honestly at a system that forces even the most compassionate professionals to move too fast, listen too little, and default to protocol over human beings. I can’t change the Medical-Industrial Complex on my own, but I can share what I learned in hopes you are prepared if you ever need it. These are not medical nor legal tips, just things I learned through my experience.

🩺 Never go alone. The hospital I stayed only allowed 1 night for my husband (instead of 2 or 3), but we pushed hard to get this. I wasn’t going to spend the night alone after major surgery. Advocacy is nearly impossible when you are vulnerable. Bring someone who can listen, remember, repeat, and push when you cannot. Ask them to take notes on everything said and done. Ask them to stand up next to you whenever possible when doctors and nurses arrive. If they can’t stay overnight, debrief them in the morning and ask them to push for the things you need. If you aren’t able to communicate after a procedure (ask your doctor about those details!), make clear of your specific preferences to your Advocate before you go.

🩺 Be very specific. Vague pain gets dismissed and can lead to mistakes. Ask your advocate to help you communicate clearly. If you get intimidated by a doctor or nurse, ask them to give you ideas of what it could be, and maybe you can buy a little time and find the right word. Sometimes they may unintentionally “lead the witness” (it happened to me - “it’s nausea, right?”), but try to stick to it and don’t give in. If you have a hard time saying no, you can say “maybe, but this doesn’t quite feel right yet”. But don’t agree if you know it’s not true.

🩺 If you know something in your body, don’t let it go. Ask again, say it differently, ask for confirmation. Ask your advocate to repeat it. Persistence is self-preservation, and sometimes crucial for your survival. Act like your life depends on it - because it does! When my back hurt so much and painkillers wouldn’t help, I asked the doctor to check my lungs for pneumonia. I knew it was probably muscle pain, but I asked for peace of mind and they agreed to check. I was relieved.

I am profoundly grateful for my care, and I am equally convinced we can and must do better.

We are one unique body, and one precious life. A system designed to save us when we cannot save ourselves should not require this much work when we are this vulnerable.

More soon on my surgery.
For now, my priorities are rest, healing, and a refusal to be quiet when something is not right.

Love,
Patricia

Hi there,

[Before we start, I want to be clear about one thing: this newsletter isn’t about judging or shaming anyone who struggles with alcohol addiction. Addiction is real, complex, and deeply personal. I’m talking here about social drinking culture and my own relationship with alcohol, not about recovery journeys that deserve respect and care.]

Despite the homeschooling, the chaos, and being together all day, every day, during Covid something unexpected happened in our house: my husband and I drank less. Believe me, nobody was more shocked than we were.

We realized something profound: our drinking had very little to do with liking alcohol itself. It was purely social. We drank because the people around us drank. When the social calendar disappeared, so did the desire, and once it was gone, we didn’t miss it. Not even during math homework. 🙃

As our social life slowly resumed, we found ourselves increasingly allergic to situations where alcohol was the only glue holding people together. We realized we had no shared values, no real curiosity, and no intimacy with some of our social circles, so we stopped going.

Then, recently I had a long conversation with a friend who’s been sober for a few months, and she confided in me that she drank with friends because she isn’t good enough, and needed the extra help to be less boring, smarter, and more interesting. And that now that she is no longer drinking, she’s feeling very insecure about her identity and personality. I gave her a hug and told her the truth (because it is the truth): she’s fun, a wonderful person, and far more interesting sober!

I know that the world is a dumpster fire and it’s hard not to numb. But what if the only way to change our lives (and maybe the world) is to stay sober enough to sit with what’s broken, what’s unbearable, and what demands our attention, instead of checking out?

Before anyone calls me a party pooper, I’m not anti-drinking. I’m just anti-alcohol being the crutch and the only language we share.

I’m trying to build a life that I don’t need to escape from, one that doesn’t require dulling the edges to belong, or being inebriated to tolerate people I don’t like or spaces I’d rather not be in. I want relationships that are great when I’m fully sober, awake, and myself. I now plan long walks, morning coffee, non-alc drinks and delicious lunches and conversations with friends and smart people I like, or who need my help in any way. And of course sometimes we have dinner and drinks, but not too much because we don’t need alcohol to make our time interesting and fun – our presence is enough.

If you’re sober curious, I’ve been drinking Aplós for a few years now. I first learned about it because I met its wonderful co-founder, Emily Onkey, a Hamptons resident and a fellow mom. I tried it, and never bought another non-alcoholic beverage again. They recently sent me a box for Dry January, and we’ll be drinking it this month and all year long (no, I’m not writing this because they sent me the box. If you know me, you’ve seen me serve Aplós at our Matriark Salons, gifting friends, and drinking it at home). My favorite flavor is Chili Margarita, but I love their Sober Curious Bundle to sample their flavors.

They can also be used in cocktails with alcohol, so you don’t need to feel deprived. Try them out and let me know which one is your favorite, you can also get some recipe ideas here!

Either way, I hope you don’t fall for that lie that you need booze to be a better version of yourself. You are far more interesting sober! Cheers, lots of love, and happy Dry January.

Here is a photo of the fun box I received from Emily and our friends at Aplós:

Talk to you next week!

Patricia

Hi there,

I hope you are doing OK and that the news cycle whiplash has been somehow manageable for you. I was born in Brazil, so Venezuela, Columbia and all our neighbors are very much in my mind now. I am mentally exhausted, and I’m afraid that the only thing I can offer you this week is some escape from this deranged world. I have learned over the years that refocusing on pleasure and beautiful things is an amazing privilege and not a cowardly escape. It’s a great way to replenish and reload for whatever work you’ll do next. If you are a Republican, and you believe this country needs to stop the madness, please call your representatives - right now, this is our only chance.

OK…onwards to this week’s programming.

On a brighter note, I can’t bear it when models and celebrities are asked about their beauty routine and respond with: “I drink a lot of water.” Give. Me. A. Break.

Nothing against H2O. I even bought those enormous 56oz water jugs. It lives next to my laptop, filled with good intentions and filtered water (photo below and link here if you care to try). Some days I do great. Other days… the jug is mostly decorative.

But no copious amount of water will ever be enough to keep your skin supple and plump once you’re over 40 (hell, let’s say 30) unless you are a freak, biologically speaking.

I’ve shared my skincare routine in this newsletter before (skincare obsession is one of my most consistent personality traits), but winter skin is a different sport altogether. Dry heat and freezing temperatures are when your usual lineup suddenly feels under-qualified. Winter is not the season to f*ck around and find out.

Which brings me to my personal coping strategy: a superbly rich face cream, applied with confidence.

Since that last newsletter, as Bethenny Frankel would say, I did the Lord’s work and tried a lot more products, and edited them down to the top 12 exceptional face creams (including some affordable yet very effective K Beauty and Japanese items) to help us all survive winter, and whose only side effects may include a flood of compliments on your new glow, and endless questions about your beauty routine.

Feel free to answer: water… with a very healthy dollop of cream.

Sending love, lots of hydration, and the best wishes and hope for world peace,

Patricia

.

1. My friend Rowaida Younes, who is an expert in skincare and beauty and the Founder of Rowm, highly recommended this cream, which is enriched with prebiotics and rice proteins. While you are at it, you can get their body cream and, if you are in NYC / Brooklyn, call them to schedule a facial, I highly recommend it!

2. We all know that SK II* Pitera Facial Treatment Essence is amazing, and to compliment that (or using it alone), I love their SKINPOWER Advanced Cream.

3. This is a very hydrating whipped mask, great for those nights by the fire.

4. I love talon balms for the face and for those dry areas on our elbows and knees. And this one is super special because not only they are 100% organic and made in the Hudson Valley, but they are also made by this cool non-profit organization* focused on commitment to sustainability, fairness, and community. While you are browsing, check their strawberry jam, and their sought after IYKYK merch and collabs.

5. I would buy all of the Chantecaille* creams, but this one also corrects dark spots, so it’s a welcomed bonus.

6. I have used this cream intermittently in the last few years, and it’s back in my vanity this winter.

7. I like this brand for their clean beauty commitment, and their prices are amazing. This K Beauty cream* is very nourishing and at 17 bucks, it’s also a great gift for the teen kids in your life.

8. This is a Japanese cream* that I got in Tokyo; it’s reasonably affordable, and very effective.

9. This is a must for cold climates and if you love being outdoors skiing, hiking or just catching up with your friends while you walk, slather this cream under your sunscreen, and you are good to go.

10. I have resisted using snail creams for years for the obvious cringe inducing reasons, but I can’t deny they are excellent for my skin. Try this one*, another K Beauty brand, it really worked for me.

11. This one has the same effect of Dr. Sturm’s cream at a fraction of the cost, however it has fragrance, so if that’s a dal breaker for you, stay with Dr. Sturm’s cream.

12. This is a lovely balm, and perfect for very dry skin and for when you are in recovery from treatments or skin issues. They say this helps repair a damaged skin barrier post-procedure or due to laser treatments, retinol, or other irritants. Day to day it just feels amazing when you are in the dry heat and need that extra boost of nourishing and hydration.

Hope this helped! See you next week,

Patricia

Hi there,

Happy New Year! I don’t do resolutions (they’ve never worked for me), but I do like setting intentions. And this year’s is refreshingly simple: I’m done abandoning myself. I’m moving toward what feels true and away from anything that requires shape-shifting or shrinking.

Now, that’s easier said than done, especially for people of color, who often have to shape-shift just to stay safe, respected, or employed. Livelihoods are very much at stake. And while I’ve enjoyed enormous privilege, I could easily write a book about what it means to move through certain spaces as an Asian woman in the Hamptons. It could go full celebrity tabloid or straight-up comedy horror, it’s been that wild. But I digress.

Back to the point: the search for “our people” and “our place” is lifelong and constantly evolving, and the plot twist remains the same. We don’t find either by contorting ourselves into something more palatable. We find them by showing up as who we are, when and where we can. Which means understanding that rejection is often just redirection in disguise, and that editing our lives is just as important as adding to them: releasing relationships we’ve outgrown, stepping back from spaces that make us feel inadequate, and saying no without apologies.

The same goes for our screen time. Did you start that purge yet? Who is worth your time and scroll? I’m now actively reassessing who I follow, who I listen to, and what energy I allow to sneak into my nervous system through my phone.

Yes, I will continue to watch an unreasonable number of videos featuring funny dogs and miniature Highland cows (my closest friends get daily DMs), and will try to limit my follows to the ones informing, educating, inspiring, or just minding their business, being their kind selves.

So my hope for all of us in 2026 is this: that by choosing what feels aligned and honest, we cultivate relationships with friends, family, partners, and collaborators that are life-enhancing, supportive, and strengthening for everyone involved.

Cheers to the best year yet. What a time to be alive and aligned!

Sending you love, great health, and prosperity. 🥂

Patricia

Hi there,

Not one family is perfect. Many of us sit at holiday tables with relatives as divided as the “United” States of America. Some of us are lucky enough to have a wonderful family, but they are all just as imperfect with their own brand of disfunction (I’m afraid nobody is imune).

And as always, women are the glue, the calm, the hostess, and the mediator, silently carrying the emotional weight so everyone else can enjoy their time. When you layer the current state of the world on top of it all, it’s safe to say that many of us are walking into some very tricky family gatherings this year.

So on this Christmas Day (if you celebrate), in lieu of a perfect Hallmark Christmas, I hope you are surrounded by love, steadiness, and a kind of peace that makes you totally unbothered, even if for just one day. May your day be blessed with people who make you feel appreciated and safe, whether they’re the ones you were born into or the ones you wisely chose along the way. Wishing you and yours a blissful, drama-free and very Merry Christmas! 🎄

Sending love,

Patricia

* our cover today is an homage to Rob Reiner and his wife Michele Singer Reiner. They used their power and influence to do good in this world: creating art, defending our First Amendment rights, fighting for a healthy early childhood development, and same-sex marriage (a cause Matriark always supported). Let this be a reminder that the world is full of good people. Look for the helpers, Mr. Rogers used to say. Look for the helpers. ❤️

A few weeks ago, Cathy O’Brien and I co-hosted a Breathwork session with Céline Antoine at Topping Rose House, and it gave me the chance to get to know her a little better.

She’s not only the Chairwoman of NATUROPATHICA, but also a breast cancer survivor who has poured that journey into action. Under her leadership, NATUROPATHICA created their Oncology Care program, offering specialized spa and skincare treatments for people going through cancer treatments. Their estheticians and massage therapists are certified in oncology care, using botanical formulas to soothe skin stressed by chemo and radiation, and their therapists go into hospitals to bring the healing power of touch right to patients. As a breast cancer survivor myself, I deeply appreciate this powerful and necessary work.

Cathy also hosts a podcast I love—Inside the Wellspace: Women, Wellbeing, Wisdom with Cathy O’Brien—where she has honest conversations about health, resilience, and what it really means to take care of ourselves as women.

Her story really stuck with me: she’s navigated multiple industries, survived hard challenges, and still shows up with humor, warmth, and wisdom. I’m really happy to share more of Cathy’s perspective with you this week. Scroll down for my Q&A with her, which includes following her gut in her career, women’s health, her favorite items from NATUROPATHICA, and so much more. AND if you are in NYC tonight, she is hosting “PMS to POST MENOPAUSE - MASTERING YOUR HORMONES YOUR WAY” today 9/18 at the Nexus Club New York with Dr. Chiti Parikh and Dr. Chris Creatura. The event is free of charge and you get to speak to the doctors at the end of the session - I’ll be there and hope to see you!

1. Your career spans several industries and roles. Looking back, what are the defining moments that led you to where you are today? And how did they shape the leader you are now?

There have been a number of key moments and transitions over my career – there are a few that stand out. I was in the music industry for over a decade, and it was an aggressive, man’s world with no female role models in senior leadership positions. I was a young woman with a big job – running the International Division of Arista Records. Not only were there no women more senior than I at Arista, my place of work was outside the US where women were mostly in support roles. I slogged away for years and was recruited by Estée Lauder to be a senior part of the Tommy Hilfiger team – which morphed into La Mer then Jo Malone. I realized then that while the music world was what I knew and in a totally dysfunctional way felt ‘safe’, it wasn’t. I made a bold choice to change industries and learn something new – believing that the culture and environment of the company and the industry I was moving toward was the healthy, long term move for me. And I was right.

Then when I was at Estée Lauder running the Jo Malone Brand globally, I had my second child – and had two kids 18 months apart. I also realized at that time that it was I who would be the primary caregiver and home-runner for my children, and realized that I couldn’t do a good job with that while in a high-profile corporate job. So, I founded and built the agency AAM Brand Management Group to have some flexibility and not live in a 9-5 box. It ended up being hugely successful with clients like LVMH, Hermes, Avon, Marimekko, Sam Edelman, among many others.

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Hi there,

Whether it’s societal pressures, the patriarchy, or just our own desire to feel like ourselves, women have been trying to defy gravity for millennia. I still laugh at my younger self, baffled by the idea of an eye cream, and now I practically have an aisle’s worth of them among my products.

My love for skincare didn’t start from vanity. It started when I had my first child. I was sleep-deprived, frustrated with breastfeeding, and overwhelmed by the chaos of first-time parenting. Spending ten quiet minutes with a bottle of face oil felt like a miracle. I didn’t care if my wrinkles disappeared; I just needed a moment of control, a ritual that reminded me I existed outside of motherhood.

Over time, those rituals evolved to new products, treatments, and dermatologist visits. Now, my goal is simpler: to maintain that soft, youthful glow without it feeling like a full-time job.

Before I go on though, let me share where I stand on beauty and plastic surgery: I say live and let live. Life is already hard enough for women. We are judged harshly, and constantly (and doubly so if you’re a woman of color). If a tweak here or a lift there makes you feel better, just go for it. The idea that skincare and plastic surgery are anti-feminist is nonsense to me. Telling women what they shouldn’t do with their bodies is just another form of control, and it’s even worse when it comes from other women.

It’s easy to say, “let your gray hair grow,” until you’re interviewing for a job next to a 23-year-old. Easy to say, “love the skin you’re in,” until investors look you up and down before they decide to fund another man. And honestly, even if none of that were true, I’d still want my skin to glow. Taking care of myself inside and out isn’t vanity. It’s agency. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be a source of shame.

With that in mind, I posted a little video of my vanity on Instagram (click here if you want to take a peek), and this week I’m sharing my current skincare lineup: what I’m using daily, what’s new for me and actually working, and the two doctors I trust (one here in the Hamptons, one in Brazil). I haven’t done anything in Brazil in over 18 months, but a consult is on my calendar for my next trip.

I hope it’s useful, and helps you get rid of any guilt or need to apologize for wanting to take care of yourself.

Sending love and beauty,

Patricia

My skincare product list, which I rotate during the week. Scroll to the end for 2 of my doctors’ phone numbers.

1. MAC Hyper Real Cleanser*: I love this oil for fall and winter

2. Bioderma Micellar Water* for everyday

3. Superdose Vitamic C Serum: I am a huge customer of Beauty Pie. You pay an annual subscription and get incredible prices for their products. Absolutely worth it.

4. Skinceuticals C+ AHA*: I use this at night.

5. Triple Hyaluronic Acid by Beauty Pie: one of my favorite products, it give me that dewy glow.

6. Glycolic Acid Toner: another icon from Beauty Pie, I use this about 3x a week before bed, and I can see the difference in my skin when I wake up.

7. DamDam Mochi Mochi Moisturizing Cream: I was introduced to this brand in Japan by a dear friend of mine. I met the Founders Gisele Goh and Philippe Therrien, and they shared their beautiful brand ethos during my visit. They are very committed to preserving Japanese farming and combining ancient Japanese philosophy with the technological advancements of today. The quality is superb, and I highly recommend it.

8. U Beauty Super Hydrator: this has been my go-to everyday moisturizer since they launched their line.

9. DamDam Ginko Bouncy Water Cream: I bought this one to wear during the hotter days, it’s light in texture yet very potent. A little goes a long way.

10. Overnight Skin Perfector: I love this product and use it most nights. Another Beauty Pie winner.

11. Kat Burki Vitamin C Face Cream: I love to alternate this at night.

12. DamDam Matcha Eye Serum: super light and milky, I just started using this product and love how it feels.

13. One Skin Eye Cream: I have been using this and have seen a difference in texture around my eyes. I apply all over and it seems to help lift the lid area.

14. Beauty Pie Super Healthy Skin: I have reordered this cream multiple times. I wear it during winter day and night.

15. Musely Spot Cream*: for years I tried to get rid of a sun spot on my face. Then I tried this brand (you schedule a Telehealth appointment to get the prescription). It takes diligence but it worked!

16. SIO Super Eye Lift: I love this product because not only the patches are effective, but they are also reusable. They are made with medical-grade silicone patches and they help smooth crow’s feet and under-eye wrinkles.

17. Tallow & Honey Balm*: I just got this a few weeks ago. It’s made with grass fed and finished beef tallow and honey, and I have to say: it’s extremely nourishing and hydrating. I don’t know if I would recommend for someone who has acne prone skin, but my skin has definitely improved in texture and it seems more plump.

18. Biodance Collagen Mask: I love this mask. My skin feel super hydrated and bouncier after I use it. Great before applying makeup for a special event.

19. Keana Nadeshiko Pore Care Rice Masks*: I got these in Japan, they are very common and popular, but when I went to the website, they are no longer shipping to the US due to the new tariffs ☹️ But here is the link anyway - if things change, give it a try! It’s an affordable product, and it dos the job. Could also be a great stocking stuffer - fingers crossed we can buy them again soon.

My doctors:

My dermatologist in Brazil is Dr. Guilherme de Almeida*, and his practice’s name is Olsen Almeida Dermatology. He is technically not on social media, but his wife Thalita is and talks often about the different treatments. He shows up there sometimes. Her skin speaks for itself: it looks flawless but not overdone. I like his philosophy: he prefers to treat the skin with techniques and technology that will enable the skin to produce collagen and get plumper from within, rather than using fillers. I have done his ultrasound treatment in the past and it was excellent. His office phone is +5511-3129-7227, and they can take messages via WhatsApp at +5511-97593-1790. He is very well known in Brazil, so he is quite pricey - but worth it.

My doctor in the Hamptons is Dr. Eunice Park, Founder of Airem. She is a Facial Plastic Surgeon, and a specialist in Korean beauty, and always uses the latest Korean innovations. Last spring I did a Pico laser with her with zero down time, and very little redness. I did this to get rid of some hyperpigmentation on my skin, and I could see an improvement in texture and extra glow 2 to 3 weeks after the treatment. Dr. Park is a great listener and a pleasure to work with. I am due for a check this Fall, and I will be doing her facials, and probably the micro needling. If you want to reach Dr. Park, her numbers are: (516) 614-1880, she has offices in Water Mill, NYC. and Syosset. I’ve never done plastic surgery, but if I ever do, she’ll be the first one I’ll call.

See you next week!

Yesterday Susan Sandler and I hosted a wonderful salon with Hall W. Rockefeller at the LongHouse Reserve. It was so great to reconnect with the Matriark community and meet new friends, and such a reminder of how exciting and fulfilling in-person gatherings can be. Many thanks again to LongHouse’s Head of Communications Carol Alda and Head of Education & Community Engagement Esperanza Leon for being such amazing partners and the most gracious hostess, I loved collaborating with you!

After a crazy summer traveling for nearly 2 months in a searing hot Japan, dealing with teen mood swings, changing itineraries, and trying to get everywhere in one piece, I’m ready to slow down and get my bearings. But Fall is upon us and, in my busyness, I tend to rush to the next thing and then wonder why I feel so burned out when a new season hasn’t even started yet. This is why I wanted to host next week’s Transformative Breathwork session. I really need to stop and reconnect with myself. I need to process my year before moving on. If you are in the Hamptons, I hope you can make it - I have a feeling most of you need this too! Check out the invitation below and sign up ASAP, and come reset with me.

Join us at the Topping Rose House for a much-needed session with Céline Antoine to connect with ourselves and reset for the Fall season. Patricia A. Reed, Founder of Matriark and Cathy O’Brien, Naturopathica Chairwoman invite you for a TRANSFORMATIVE BREATHWORK SESSION with Céline Antoine, Certified Breathwork Guide, Energy Reader and Yoga Teacher.

Details of the event and Invitation is below. Hope to see you there!

🗓️ Tuesday August 26th from 10:30 AM to 1:00 PM

📍 Topping Rose House, 1 Bridgehampton-Sag Harbor Turnpike Bridgehampton, 11932

🎟️ THIS IS A TICKETED EVENT: PLEASE PURCHASE YOUR TICKET HERE TO GUARANTEE A SPOT.

80% of net proceeds goes towards funding Naturopathica's Oncology Care Program, where Naturopathica provides complimentary massage treatments to patients undergoing cancer treatment at partner hospitals.

10:30am to 11am – Quick Chat and Introductions

11am to 12:30pm – BREATHWORK SESSION

12:30pm to 1pm – Connecting, light bites and drinks

“We are going to experience a potent technique called circular breath. It helps release stress, anxiety and stuck emotions in the body, and strengthen our intuition and connection to self. As a result, people can have insights or profound breakthroughs. It's a powerful tool to bring us from our busy minds to the wisdom of our hearts where our purest intention and inner wisdom reside.If you are feeling stressed out, are holding in too many emotions or you're lacking connection to yourself, this class is for you!” - Céline Antoine

HOW TO PREPARE:

• For the best experience, Céline recommends an early breakfast, and no food after 9:00 am.

• Wear comfortable clothes and feel free to bring your own blanket or shawl. Mats and blocks will be provided.

• This class is not recommended if you have heart problems, unmedicated high blood pressure, glaucoma or detached retina, or if you are pregnant. Always consult your own doctor if you have questions.

Sending love,

Patricia

Notes on our current Programming:

8/20 - The Matriark Salon + Pop Up Season Salon Series: We’re teaming up with Pop Up Season and LongHouse Reserve to bring you this special salon with Hall W. Rockefeller, Founder of Less Than Half, on Cultivating Change: Women, Art, and the Collections That Shape Our Culture.The Salon is on August 20th, please see tickets HERE.

8/26 - The Matriark Salon: on Tuesday, August 26th, I will be hosting alongside Cathy o’Brien, Naturopathica Chairwoman, a Transformative Breathwork Session with Certified Breathwork Guide, Energy Reader and Yoga Teacher Céline Antoine at The Topping Rose House.

Invitations will be offered first to our paid subscribers. If space allows, we’ll open them to our broader community. To receive priority access in the future, we invite you to become a paid subscriber.

We just closed Season 1 of WEALTHY The Matriark Podcast, and it was a blast to chat with so many incredible women. If you missed it:

🎧 Listen now on Apple, Spotify, and Youtube
💌 Full audio, video and + weekly episodes for Paid Subscribers in our Podcast page

Alright, onto our regular programming!

I’m so excited to host my first Breathwork session with the incredible Céline Antoine. I first heard about her work from my friend, artist Blair Borthwick, who attended one of Céline’s sessions and was so moved by the experience that she began co-hosting them in NYC. I couldn’t make those dates, but when Blair introduced us, I knew we had to bring Céline to the Matriark community ASAP.

Until then, I knew little about breathwork beyond the name. But after hearing Blair’s transformative experience, I wanted in—and I wanted all of YOU to have the chance to try it, too. After a busy summer, this session is a much-needed pause to reconnect with ourselves and reset for the upcoming Fall season.

I had a chat with Céline and she is sharing more about her practice below, which helps us understand what breathwork is, and what to expect of the session. Enjoy!

Q&A with Céline Antoine

P: Tell us about your Breathwork Practice

C: I call this practice "transformative breathwork" — a powerful and beautiful way to release stress, ease anxiety, and connect deeply with both your intuition and the wisdom of your heart. This particular form, known as circular breathwork, is a potent active technique for gently releasing stuck emotions held in the body. It also nurtures a stronger connection to the deeper layers of our being.

Through this practice, many people experience profound insights, emotional breakthroughs, and deep feelings of love. Ultimately, it’s a meaningful tool that helps us shift from the busyness of the mind to the wisdom of the heart — the place where our purest intentions and inner guidance reside.

P: What sparked your interest in Breathwork?

C: I’ve been teaching yoga for the past 19 years, so breathwork (especially pranayama, the breathing practices from the yoga tradition) has always been an integral part of my life. About seven years ago, while I was deeply immersed in healing and inner work, my husband asked if I wanted to join him for a breathwork class. I agreed, assuming it would be similar to the breathing exercises I knew so well from yoga. But it was nothing like that!

In that session, I experienced a powerful emotional release and gained a profound insight into a thought pattern I had carried my entire life. It was a truly transformative moment that left me in awe.

As I continued to practice, my connection to this work deepened, and eventually, I felt called to share it with others. That’s when I decided to become certified as a breathwork facilitator.

P: Can you give me examples of the transformative and healing powers of Breathwork? Maybe some feedback from clients or your own experience with the practice?

C: Each practice is unique, shaped by what’s happening in your life at that moment. For me, it’s always a beautiful way to reset my mental state, release emotions, and gain clarity. Because the transformative breathwork gently shifts our state of consciousness, it allows us to receive deep insights. For some people, it’s also a powerful tool for processing trauma and starting to find healing.

As for the feedback from my students, of course everyone experiences it differently, but many of them tell me that I guided them towards releasing trauma, how impactful a simple technique can be, and how some of them were overtaken by feelings of love and expansion. Many of them feel lighter, present, and have a deep feeling of gratitude.

P: Can you describe a session for us?

C: Sure! A full session lasts between 75 and 90 minutes.We begin by grounding with gentle movements that help us connect to our breath, followed by setting a personal intention for the practice.

As an energy reader (I do Soul Readings), I like to tune into the group’s energy beforehand. Often, I receive a message: something the group needs to hear or release, which I share at the start to guide our journey together.

Before we begin the breathwork, I take time to explain the process: the setup (lying on the back), the breathing technique, and what sensations or emotions may arise, so everyone feels safe and comfortable.

We then move into 22 minutes of guided breathwork, followed by a short rest. From there, I lead the group into some “heart moments”: a space to connect deeply with love, gratitude, and inner wisdom, before settling into a longer rest. We close the session together, returning to a seated position.

P: You are French, and you are based in Shelter Island in the Hamptons. When did you move to this area, and what inspired the move?

C: My husband and I moved to New York City in 2000, and in 2002 a friend introduced us to Shelter Island. From that summer on, it became our seasonal escape; a place we returned to year after year.

Two years ago, I felt an undeniable pull to be closer to nature; the kind of calling you can’t ignore. Since I already had part of my clientele here and knew the island well, we decided to make it our full-time home.

It’s still the best decision we’ve ever made. I’m completely in love with the island’s beauty, and the rhythm of nature here truly nourishes my soul.

P: What’s your favorite place in Shelter Island?

Nature! Mashomack Preserve in spring and fall is absolutely stunning; I go several times a week to reground, reconnect and find inspiration.

As someone who does energy readings and healing sessions, nature is my sanctuary and what allows me to keep my energy and vibration balanced and stable.

In the summertime, I walk along Hay Beach every day. Before the summer crowds arrive, I'm often greeted by rays and angel fish in the clear water; moments of pure magic.

P: What’s your favorite place in France?

C: Honestly, it’s hard to choose because I think that France is such a beautiful and diverse country, especially for its size.

I might not be very original, but I truly love to visit Paris. The city is endlessly charming. Everywhere you look, there’s something beautiful, even in the most unexpected buildings. People are effortlessly stylish, and there’s a unique blend of sensuality and spontaneity that seems to flow through the streets. The culture, the beauty and the delicious food create a special mix that I love.

P: If you could have lunch with 3 women (alive or dead), who would they be and why?

This would have to be three separate lunches because I like to go deep in conversation, and having three people who don’t know each other at the same table might not create the space for truly soulful exchanges.

My maternal grandmother: I regret not having spent more time with her when I was a teenager or getting to know her on a deeper level. She was very caring, compassionate, sensitive and had a big impact in my life as a small child. I have so many questions I wish I could ask her now, and I would cherish the chance to share a meal with her.

Simone Veil: I have immense respect for this woman. A Holocaust survivor, she never lost her courage, resilience, or faith in humanity. In 1975, she achieved a tremendous victory for women’s rights by legalizing abortion in France.

Alicia Keys: I love her voice, but even more than that, she strikes me as a kind, compassionate person with a beautiful soul. I imagine our conversation would be deep, meaningful and fun!

I’m excited to see Céline on August 26th, and I hope to see you there too. Sending love,

Patricia

As our loyal Founding Members and Paid Subscribers, you are the first to get invited for The Matriark Salon!

Join us at the Topping Rose House for a much-needed session with Céline Antoine to connect with ourselves and reset for the Fall season. Patricia A. Reed, Founder of Matriark and Cathy O’Brien, Naturopathica Chairwoman invite you for a TR…

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Notes on our current Programming:

The Matriark Salon + Pop Up Season Salon Series: Invitations for our August 20th Salon with Hall W. Rockefeller, Founder of Less Than Half, will be sent to all Paid Subscribers this week. We’re teaming up with Pop Up Season and LongHouse Reserve to bring you this special event on Cultivating Change: Women, Art, and the Collections That Shape Our Culture.

The Matriark Salon: Next week, we’ll send invites for our August 26th Salon. Matriark, Naturopathica and Blair Borthwick will host a Conversation and a Breathwork session with Yoga Teacher and Certified Breathwork Guide Celine Antoine at The Topping Rose House.

Invitations will be offered first to our paid subscribers. If space allows, we’ll open them to our broader community. To receive priority access in the future, we invite you to become a paid subscriber.

Fresh out of the oven: Episode 7 of Wealthy: The Podcast (our final episode of Season 1!) is now available, featuring Health Psychologist, Certified Yoga Teacher, and Professional Coach Dr. Arezou Ghane. We dove into flourishing, abundance, scarcity mindset, hedonic adaptation, awe, and more. It’s the perfect episode to wrap up the season, packed with resources and insights to help us all live our best lives. Dr. Ghane is also on Substack HERE.

🎧 Available now on Apple, Spotify, and Youtube
💌 Full audio, video and + weekly episodes for Paid Subscribers in our Podcast page

Alright, onto our regular programming!

This week, we’re closing out the season with our LAST episode of Wealthy: The Podcast Season 1, and I couldn’t have picked a better guest. Dr. Arezou Ghane, a Health Psychologist, Certified Yoga Teacher, and Life Coach, shared some serious wisdom. One of the insights that resonated with me the most was that we’re living by algorithms. They drive how we work, what we say, what we see, and how we live. But if we want to flourish, we need to step away from the algorithm and plug into real life to cultivate real connections and enjoy real wellbeing.

Dr. Ghane also referenced the work of Dr. Dacher Keltner and Dr. Craig Anderson, who’ve studied the science of awe. Spending time in nature doesn’t just lift our spirits; it literally improves our health. Awe can reduce symptoms of PTSD, fight inflammation, and enhance mental wellbeing. Simply stepping outside, breathing fresh air, or taking in a mountain view can put us back in touch with something much bigger than ourselves.

I’ve been living this truth more than ever while traveling through Japan with my family (even with the kids bickering from town to town 😅). For the past 16 years, I’ve worked remotely, glued to a screen, with Instagram lurking in the background. My work with Brazil and now running the newsletter and podcast have only deepened my relationship with the digital world. But in Japan, I was reminded of how much I missed real-world experiences, and a sense of awe.

Dr. Ghane’s words reminded me of those beautiful AHA moments I’ve had in my trip. Nature and connection have the power to reset us. It’s one of the most profound lessons I’ve taken from my travels, and it’s something I’ll continue to pursue.

We know that AI is coming in hot, and faster than we are ready for, and digital distractions are more present than ever. With everything changing at lightning speed, we need to invest in our relationship with the ones we love and with the living world around us. Slow down, disconnect, and find the grounding beauty of nature. These real-life moments offer something far deeper than any virtual world could ever provide.

I hope you can find just a little time today to disconnect, step outside, and experience a little awe in your life.

Here is another thing I saw that made me gasp in awe, and I wanted to share with you: some of the 3,000 wind chimes displayed at Ueno Summer Festival, around Shinobazu Pond.

PS: I just learned that on 8/11, Japan celebrates National Mountain Day to appreciate the countries mountainous terrain and the benefits they provide. They came up with this date because the number 8 in Kanji resembles a mountain peak, and the number 11 resembles 2 trees.

With love and awe,
Patricia

In this final episode, we dive into how to flourish when our lives have become driven by algorithms, shaping how we speak, act, and interact.

We explore hedonic adapt…

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Hi there,

When was the last time you did something just for fun?
Not to impress anyone. Not to post. Not to check a box.
But simply because it made you feel alive?

I know—the world is on fire, and this might sound like a privileged thing to focus on. But in the midst of devastation and uncertainty, joy (and the pursuit of it) is a right we all deserve to reclaim.

I’m the kind of person who will throw myself into work, get deep into whatever’s in front of me, and rarely prioritize fun. Then I found myself at a mood board night I co-hosted with my friend, writer Amanda Fairbanks, sitting next to women I admire, one of them being Ingrid Fetell Lee, author of Joyful. We were cutting up magazines, gluing tears onto paper, laughing like kids, and suddenly, it hit me.

That night, I was playing. And I realized just how play deprived I’d become.
As a mother, “play” for the last 14 years has meant centering my children, not my own needs. I realized that if I want more joy, I have to figure out how to invite more play into my life.

So I asked Ingrid to join me on the podcast.
This week, we talk about the science of joy: what it is, how it works, and why we need more of it. Because joy, as it turns out, just doesn’t “happen to us”. It’s something we can actually design. You can seek it out. Curate it. Protect it. Make space for it, even in the middle of chaos.

This is great advice! But play is just one layer.

We also explore abundance, not just in energy or color, but in money. Why women are conditioned to shrink our desires. And how cultivating joy can expand our sense of worth, confidence, and enoughness.

🎧 Available now on Apple, Spotify, and Youtube
💌 Full audio, video and + weekly episodes for Paid Subscribers in our Podcast page

This conversation felt especially resonant as I write this from Japan.

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Here is the Full Episode …

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I hope you are well, and getting ready to relax this MDW. The invitation for our next Salon went out, and I’m so excited. We are hosting our next Salon at Wave Social Wellness in Southampton - have you been there yet? It’s really nice, and a great addition to the Hamptons with great wellness services such as infra-red sauna, cold plunges and massages. Our conversation will be around Perimenopause and Menopause with Dr. Anita Sadaty, Katie Fogarty and Lisa Roberts. I can’t wait for this, I have so many questions!

The event is $25 for regular subscribers, but as a Founding Member you can join us free of charge.

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Hi there,

So many of us in the US are getting our grills ready for memorial Day weekend, and I’ve been thinking about what food really means as we get older. As a product of the 90’s Diet Culture, for me, it’s no longer about being thin, it’s about strength. Energy. Nourishment. Hormonal support. Longevity. Joy.

But in this quest, everyone I know and their mothers are trying to figure out how to eat more protein, but if I have to eat another hard-boiled egg or dry chicken breast, I might actually gag! So I’ve been looking for other options: meals that hit my protein goals and taste juicy and delicious, and today I’m sharing some of those with you.

I am usually super busy, and I am not a nutritionist or a doctor, so I rely on experts to help me out. These high-protein recipes are all from chefs, registered dietitians, and wellness experts I trust. I am relying on some of these foods to keep me on track this weekend as I gather with friends and family and eat things I love without punishing my body.

And speaking of things that fill me up, today, Susan Sandler and I are hosting The Matriark Salon with the incredible Jessie Frechl, and I can’t wait to get deep into conversation.

I’m also thrilled to announce that I’m hosting our next Salon on June 4th at Wave Social Wellness Club in Southampton with Maxine Friedman (Innovation Strategist and Founder of Maxine Ventures), and the Co-Founders of Wave, Lisa Zaloga and Stephanie Esposito. We’ll be diving into PERIMENOPAUSE and MENOPAUSE, the most cutting edge and advanced tools and information available to women, and how to take better care of ourselves during these challenging times, and we will chat with an incredible panel of experts:

· Dr. Anita Sadaty, board-certified integrative gynecologist, New York functional doctor and Chief Medical Officer of Womaness

· Katie Fogarty, host of A Certain Age Podcast and board member of Let’s Talk Menopause

· Lisa Roberts, Culinary & Nutrition Archaeologist | Lecturer, Stanford University BeWell & NYU | Expert, Canyon Ranch | Founder, Lisa Roberts FOOD .

BUY YOUR TICKETS HERE TO SECURE YOUR SPOT, seats are limited. FOUNDING MEMBERS ATTEND FREE OF CHARGE AND HAVE PRIORITY SEATING (YOU’LL RECEIVE A SPECIAL CODE VIA EMAIL).

Scroll down for the recipes, photos, videos and resources, and let’s eat!

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Hi there,

We had such a beautiful gathering last Friday. The Matriark Salon debut was a salve: people from all walks of life got together to meet Brad Ford and each other, and Susan Sandler and I couldn’t have planned for a sweeter time.

We have another special Salon coming up on May 9^th at 10:30 am: Zuzanna von Salm is opening her private Sanctuary in S…

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As our loyal Paid Subscribers, you and our Founding Members are the first ones to receive this special invitation. There are only 12 tickets available so please purchase yours ASAP to guarantee a spot. Founding Members attend this event (and most our future events) free of charge, so consider upgrading to Founding Member today.

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